Before: Tanya’s turn to do the talking—she’s the KO victor of the last bout between these two and she’s loving the attention. “I slapped Kitana around last time and I think we both know how this has to end,” proclaims a confident blonde. “Baker comes out of the gate great, but she just can’t take punishment. I’m cleaning up on Kitty and settling this thing once and for all.” Miller execs grinning at the furor this rivalry has created—Tonya even gets a telephone call from Charlize Theron encouraging her to “:treat that brunette shabby”. Tonya calls it: “a real thrill” to hear from the blonde icon. Ballinger on leopard print underwire bra, red panties, Kitana in black underwire, black semi-boy cut panties, Fought outdoors, So, Cali. Beach setting—ring and bleachers set up.

During R1: Mayhem, Girls tear into each other with flashing eyes, bared teeth, swinging breasts and chaotic hair—each just pitching wild lefts and rights without any apparent plan. KITANA GETS HURT! Clobbering right across the jaw stuns the sultry brunette—she goes groggy, sting goes out of her punching as Tanya backs her up under thudding wide lefts and rights, Ballinger ruining Kitana at the ropes and TANYA GETS HURT! Baker fitting in punches between blonde swings, finds the chin a clocking left, finds it again a swinging right—brunette backs blonde up. Tonya: eyes glassy, wide—mouth open, hands at her hips—she faces into punches, taking walloping shots on her jaw as Baker tears it up to the jugs, blonde swaying back into ropes in a bad way—hands down, blubbering as Baker tears it up to the jugs, blonde swaying back into the ropes as Baker tees off on the face. BALLINGER GOES DOWN! Tanya bludgeoned to all fours, sobbing in shock—snarling Baker bodied back by the ref at the bell!

R2, 3: Both beauties exhausted and who can blame them? Fight much slower, more ponderous, but both girls really swinging from the hips, getting all they can into each haymaker. Fighters fall into each other off big swings—fight devolves into agonizing stop and go as girls wrap up, twist and turn each other around the ring, into the ropes, Woozy brawling in the final minutes of both rounds—girls taking turns wrapping the opponent up around the shoulders with the left, stuffing away free right hands to tender jugs and trembling bellies, Both rounds scored as draws—ref working up a sweat peeling these girls apart for breaks.

R4: Kitana beats Tanya to early right hands—Ballinger staggered, keeps pushing out punches, butt back, feet together—Baker tags her again and again with sweeping rights head and ribcage. Tanya battered to the ropes where she finally stops punching all together—job of work for Baker to get on top, wrestle her opponent’s defence open and haul in ruinous right hands. Kitana working out of a sloppy wrap, tieing up Tanya’s right arm under brunette left, holding her steady for plundering right hands off the tummy, pancaking those bulging jugs. Ballinger weepy, stiff and agonized en route to her corner—she’s falling behind through 4.

R5: Tanya beats Kitana to those crazy wide right hands—Baker steps in fence post holes, trying to shake it off. Ballinger wading in, hands low, reaching her way back and twisting her hips into sweeping  lefts and rights that carom at random off her wilting opponent’s skull and protective shoulders. Baker hits the ropes, Ballinger wraps up, trapping the right arm to pin brunette to the strands for heartless right hand brutality, Ballinger taking cruel delight at stuffing leather into mammoth brunette melons—Baker open mouthed in shock as her body is laid waste. Tanya keeping her weight  on Kitana, shoving up on her, palming that left shoulder open to keep the torso exposed to the final bell.

R6: More tortuous, sloppy give and take, girls falling in and struggling to lever the opponent into a vulnerable position, Fight burbles along the ropes, girls twisting and turning, reversing positions. Constant working to slam in a free mitt while wrapping up—gorlsd think nothing of headlocking or arm locking the opponent to stabilize for cheap shots. Another drawn round.

R7: Fatigue taking hold—girls spending a lot of time straining against one another’s embrace and it’s draining both competitors. Baker does what little punching there is—stacking her girl up at the ropes—heartless, drifting, crude right hands/forearms to the astounding jugs of her foe. Baker steps back, chest heaving at the bell—she’s loving the sight of a weepy, used up blonde through 7.

R8: OH they slam away! It’s last woman standing back and forth trade—girls shaking off clinches, bracing themselves in wide stances and swinging simultaneous rights and lefts. Chins are clouted, legs are shaken—neither wants to give. Final minute—Tanya gets to Kitana, just beating her to punches, keeping it up as Baker stumbles forward and GOES DOWN! Kitana trembling on all fours, sobbing freely—Ballinger hissing invective as she struts around the fallen beauty until ref bundles her back.

R9: Messy clinching, girls wrapping each other up and staggering into the ropes. Referee’s breaks—more entanglements—Baker warned for the headlock—Ballinger scolded for holding and hitting in reckless early action. Midway through, girls grading swinging rights—Baker’s head swivels hard to starboard and KITANA GOES WOBBLY BUTT! Baker staring in disbelief, hands at her hips as TONYA WADES INTO HER. Blonde fists batter brunette to the ropes—Kitana’s torso leaning to the right—she’s not responding and BALLINGER POURS IT ON! Tonya baring her teeth, bawling as she props Kitty up a left forearm in the chest, wallops her across the face with big lusty right hands, loading it up again and again and KITANA SPRAWLS TO THE MAT! She’s OUT! KO9 Tanya Ballinger!

After: Ballinger delirious as the ref pushes her back—blonde bawling tears of jubilant conquest, leaving Kitana out on her face after 9 breathless heats. Tonya removes her gloves—grinning Miller exec shoves a Miller Lite into her hand, encouraging her to “finish the job”. A smiling Tanya B struts over to her slumbering foe, nudges her over onto her back with an impertinent foot, then slowly empties the contents of the can in a glittering gold stream onto Kitana’s well-shined face. Baker coming-to with a splutter—it’s only the first of many humiliations. Blubbery, shabby Kitana taken for an uproarious walk of shame—crowd hooting with delight as Tanya takes everything she wants out of baker in a lengthy post-fight celebration. To sum up: they slugged and slugged and slugged—Tanya had to come of the deck, absorb a lot of hateful brunette abuse—it certainly wasn’t All Blonde All The Time. Ultimately Ballinger proved the3 more stubborn warrior as Kitana just couldn’t take it—“Tastes Great” takes the series 2-1.

Reposted by Archer 12/25/09.