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30 January 2015 Kate Beckinsale vs Teri Hatcher

Page history last edited by Vassago 9 years, 1 month ago

OFFICIAL SSB PPV

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on January 30, 2015, 8:47 pm

Kate Beckinsale (44yo, 5'7”) v Teri Hatcher (50yo, 5'6”)
(Words: Ginny / Oddman / Results: Lookout!)

Before: Franchise, in the sleek form of Head Trainer Monica Bellucci are on hand to ensure their “face of the franchise” Kate Beckinsale succeeds in throwing a “going out” party for The Academy's own “Desperate Housewife” Teri Hatcher. Teri was caught up in Ginny's housecleaning and there were tears aplenty as Teri cleaned out her locker. (Apparently, Vidalia onions only smell strong after they've been forgotten for months in a small enclosed space with sweaty leotards and sweat socks.)
But Teri can't help smiling at the figure across the ring from her; a fellow brunette who overcame adversity to anchor the “Underworld” multi-million dollar film franchise. Beckinsale's big break came in 2001 when Charlize Theron passed on “Pearl Harbor” for “Sweet November.”
[Note: Beckinsale was fortunate to escape “the curse of Theron” that almost killed the career of Elizabeth Berkley after she took “Showgirls” from Theron after an epic nightclub battle. At least that's one how one story tells it. Apparently, the loser – if you believe Theron; or the winner, if you believe Berkley – had to play the part of the stripper in the 1995 Paul Verhoeven disaster.]
Of course, Hatcher has her own connection to Theron. After avoiding being dragged down by “Showgirls” Theron appeared with Teri in “2 Days in the Valley” where they performed what critics hailed as “the greatest catfight ever filmed” in a motel room. Both actresses vaulted to fame on that fight, Hatcher to fame and fortune in TV's “Lois and Clark” and “Desperate Housewives” while Theron found a new roommate in a little golden boy-toy called Oscar. (for 2003's “Monster”)
Now Teri Hatcher is leaving The Academy with one title on her resume - the Reebok Bantam title in 2003, although she fought for titles six other times unsuccessfully. Still she made a lot of friends – their names appear on her FCBA career won-loss record which is 26-46.
And Hatcher, unlike many elite athletes, has always been a realist. “I'd hoped to last long enough for my losses to equal my age, but I guess that's not going to happen. Still, who knows? Maybe if I get new management - and start lying about my age - I can still make it. Whaddya think?”
The one thing Hatcher always had was a good right hand. Twenty of her twenty-six wins came via stoppages. That's about her only ray of sunshine, because nearly 75% of the fights Beckinsale lost she was either KO'd or TKO'd.
“More than most women her age,” a rival manager said analyzing this fight, “Hatcher's got a legit 'puncher's chance'. It's not a good chance, but it's there. Kate's never been known for her granite jaw, so if Hatch gets home with one – especially in the early rounds – she can do damage.” But when pressed, he admitted, “I expect to see Becks finish her in the sixth or seventh...that's if Hatcher's in good form.”
* * * *

Speaking of form, Teri still fills out her bikini nicely even at her “advanced age.” She's in basic black tonight, her final fight for the Academy, while Kate's bikini is light blue. White gloves for Teri, red for Becks. Both with brunette hair in a messy ponytail.
* * *
During R1: Beckinsale straight at Hatcher, not respecting her supposed “punching power” in the least. Kate pumping the left in Teri's face, snapping her head back; following with a hard right that glances harmlessly off Hatcher's left shoulder as she ducks away. Becks staying on top of Hatch, digging a left to the breadbasket, rewarded with a grunt of pain. Teri trying to clinch, Beckinsale tosses her abruptly aside like she was nothing. Kate jab-jab-jabbing with piston-like lefts, then steps right to drop that right hand, slipping it over Teri's shoulder this time. Hatcher driven to the strands, fighting with her tight butt wedged between the ropes as Kate bodies up. BECKINSALE ROCKED! Late Hatcher thunder buckling Beck's knees as the inside uppercut catches Kate flush on the button, forcing Beckinsale to hold on momentarily. Final seconds see Hatcher throwing leather with both hands, but she's unable to find Kate's “off switch” and Beckinsale escapes to pocket the points for the first.

R2: Beckinsale showing more respect now, still coming forward behind that steadily pumping left jab, but she's being a bit more cautious after tasting Teri's right hand power. Kate setting the pace, however, dictating when and where she attacks, then quick-steps away before Hatcher can counter. Teri settling down after what appeared to be some nervousness in the first round, understandable given this could be her final FCBA fight. Kate showing Teri her right hand, then hooking body with the left. She does it again, and both times Hatcher reacts to the right but is slow to block the hook. Third time's a charm! When Becks goes to the well again, as soon as Hatcher see's Kate flourish the right, Teri throws her own left hook....sending Kate reeling back to the ropes where she goes into a crouching peek-a-boo defensive shell. Hatcher walloping Beckinsale's flanks mercilessly to the bell - and beyond! Ref has to come in to pull Hatcher off of Becks. Kate shaking her head on her way to her corner, Hatcher wriggling and jiggling in the referee's embrace, wanting more of Kate. Points to Teri's way in two.

R3: Beckinsale's corner barking at her between rounds, “Yer blowin' it kid” and “nice strategy, champ; lettin' her wear herself out hittin' ya like that.” Kate's red face not entirely due to Hatcher's punches as she's read the riot act by Jillian Barbarie and Kate Hudson while Head Trainer Monica Bellucci steps away momentarily to change her dinner reservations to a later time, barking up at Beckinsale, “See what you made me do!” Becks furious as she stands well before the bell, feet pawing at the canvas, slamming her gloves together angrily. Bell: Kate springs forward, almost tackling Hatcher mid-ring and driving her backward to the ropes in Teri's corner where the impact almost knocks Janet Jones off the ring apron. Beckinsale, head on Hatcher's shoulder, driving punch after punch to the body, softening up that “half-century old body” like a butcher pounding veal. Every time Hatcher tries to fight her way off the ropes, Kate either grabs her upper arms and shoves her back, or lowers her shoulder and drives her backward. Hatcher trapped, unable to escape, soaking up a body beating. As soon as the referee intervenes to separate them and give the folks in the cheap seats some action, Kate goes right back on top of Hatcher, once more pinning her to the ropes and wailing away with both hands. Hatcher doing only enough offensively to keep the referee from thinking about stopping the contest but at the bell, he does follow Teri back to her corner to inform Jones and Stone, “If she don't show me sumthin' next round, I'm stoppin' dis thing.” Beckinsale easily wins the round (wide).

R4: Hatcher soaking up advice between rounds the same way she soaked up Kate's punches in the previous round and comes out looking more determined this round. Opening salvo goes Teri's way as Becks overextends on her left jab and Hatcher is able to land a right over the top. Kate, unfazed, keeps to her plan, coming forward and continuing to work over Hatcher's slender, fifty year old body. Teri fighting back in spots, her left hook finding Kate's obligingly available right cup. And after having her right boob mashed flat several times, Kate finally tucks her right glove in to shield it. Not that it's a big disadvantage, since she has been handling Hatcher fairly well with one hand so far anyway. Kate keeps snapping the jab in Hatcher's face, circling left behind it, her right cocked at chest level covering her right side bikini cup. Mid-way, Teri's still making a contest of it when Kate stops circling left, plants her back (right) foot and whips a straight right hand into Hatcher's face! Teri cringes and instinctively feels her nose with her glove; just enough inattention to allow Beckinsale to follow up with a sweeping left hook to the jaw! Hatcher's knees buckle and she stumbles to her left, right into another right hand, this one under her left elbow. In desperation, Hatcher wraps her arms around Beckinsale and buries her face on Kate's shoulder as Beckinsale pummels her flanks with both hands until the referee steps in to break them apart....just as the bell rings. Another big Becks round by a wide margin.

R5: Beckinsale feeling it now, nodding confidently to her seconds as she stands before the bell. Teri Hatcher stay seated until the bell, then stands and trudges slowly out to meet Kate who goes right back to the jab again...PEK, PEK, PEK...slowly forcing Hatcher into retreat, hounding her back to her corner. Beckinsale setting Teri up for the denouement; jab-jab-cross....jab-jab-cross. Teri buffeted from foot to foot as she slides along the ropes; her own left hand pawing weakly in Becks' face, right hand high at her chin, cupped in a protective attitude. Kate bending right, her left arm fully extended as she windmills lefts up, over, and down onto the right side of Teri's face. Kate bending left, turning her hips behind hard rights that sink into the triangle behind Hatcher's left elbow. DOWN SHE GOES! DOWN SHE GOES! OMIGAWD, DOWN SHE GOES! Beckinsale bending right to throw the left, leans right into Hatcher's short left hook; her knees buckle and then Teri drops a hard right - flush on the button! Beckinsale scooting to her backside, feet flying up as Hatcher, off balance, staggers forward, tramples her, and keeps going until she slams chest-first into the ropes. She hangs with her arms draped over the top strand until the referee gets her moving to a neutral corner, then he returns to pick up the count over Kate Beckinsale. But by then, Beckinsale is already up on a knee, then she stands steadily at 'SEVEN' gloves up in front of her. She nods “OK” when asked, but they have to wait while the referee wipes off her gloves. Hatcher races in to finish, but Kate stops her in her tracks with another good left jab. They clinch and Teri contents herself with plugging away with either hand to the body from the clinch to the bell. Big round, wide, to Teri Hatcher put her right back into this fight!

R6: Hatcher still panting audibly at the bell, struggles to her feet and retreats around the ring, buying time. Beckinsale loping after her, cutting off the ring...determined. Thirty seconds in, Kate traps Teri in a corner and goes to work on that aging body. Three...four....five...six riveting, hard, body blows take all the starch out of Teri Hatcher and she wilts to her knees. Blankenship had already drawn back her right hand when the referee jumped in and pushed her away. Hatcher on all fours for several seconds, sighing as she struggles to one knee, then upright at 'EIGHT'. Referee quickly checking her gloves, then waves Kate forward. Hatcher stumbles forward and throws herself into Kate's arms, wrapping both arms around the startled Brit Babe's neck and hanging on for dear life. Becks thumping the body as she drags Teri around like a rag doll. Referee breaks them apart, but Hatcher right back to the clinch before Kate can do much more damage. Break. Clinch. Break. Clinch. Fans start to boo - Hatcher for her delaying tactics, Beckinsale for her inability to put an end to her opponent. Break. Clinc...no! This time Beckinsale launches a 'go home' right hand as Hatcher falls in to clinch and the straight right hand lands 'on the button'. Hatcher sent backward, arms flung out wide, toppling like a downed oak tree; crashing to the mat on her back, spread-eagled.
Hatcher's body is still rippling, rolling, and jiggling - the count not yet complete, but already at ringside, Ginny has her phone out. “Whew, I was sweating that one. What?” (pause) “Of course not. Never let it be said I run scared.” (pause) “No, we did NOT bet on which round, only a winner...who is me!” (longer pause) “Sure, why not! Let it ride; double or nothing on Simpson.” (brief pause) “WHAT? Say that again?” (long pause) “NO, I will NOT give you odds based on cup sizes. It wouldn't be right, even in a JMD. Tell you what...if you get Valmore to fight Lawrence or Bell in a JMD fight...I'll bet as much as you can afford to lose. How's that, you pointed headed freak?”
She ends the call before he can respond and leans back grinning. Kate Beckinsale wins via KO6!
* * * *
After: Hatcher put up a good fight. Which pretty much summarizes an FCBA career once described as “striving.” It's fun to speculate how it could been have gone differently with her lanky, wiry, build, if she'd hooked on with a good manager and stable early in her career. Sadly, Hatcher's not that different from many young fighters who can't seem to find the right “fit” with an adviser until it's too late.
Beckinsale grinning into the microphones and cameras, makes a startling announcement, “I want Theron before it's too late for me to put her down again! That bimbo has been ducking me since 2004. I kicked her over-hyped behind once and was on my way to doing it again when she got lucky. Since then I've called, written, e-mailed, twitted, tweeted and Instagrammed her. I even sent an ex-boyfriend over with an offer to sleep with her if she'd face me in a rubber match. You know what she told him? She said, 'I don't do rubbers'.”
“Well, tonight was just a warm-up for me. I feel like a new woman. I've got my sights set on Lawrence - 'the Academy's next Golden Goddess'. If Theron won't step in to protect her stablemate, maybe I'll dismantle old Cathy Bell and send her into a long needed and much deserved retirement like I did 'Nut' Hatcher tonight.”
Teri Hatcher gives the excitement a chance to cool before she puts in her appearance. First words out of her mouth? “Since I'm not going to be a member of the Academy, any longer, don't expect me to comment on Kate's challenge to Charlize. I'm not involved and I don't have an opinion about who'd win if they fight. Anybody wants my thoughts, they can sign a contract. I'll be available for sports and entertainment talk shows. Call my agent, gents, AFTRA rates apply.”
Teri, looking every 50 years of her age, spent nearly twenty minutes with the press and answered every (legit) question posed. A guy from the Howard Stern show, asked “sex before fights” but she blithely blew him off with, “I discussed all that with Howard when I was on his show years ago. Nothing has changed.”
Teri declined to discuss her plans for the future, but said she very much she wanted to work with young actresses to help them overcome, “...the stereotypes we face everyday. A lot of actresses think they have to compromise their principles for art - they don't.” And she concluded, “Despite the fact that I have a good-size pair of breasts, I had the opportunity to show the world they're not my only attribute.”
When she left the stage, several old men in the media wiped tears from their eyes and a younger one, probably in his mid- to late- forties, was overheard to mutter, “I'd still do her.”