If you are citizen of an European Union member nation, you may not use this service unless you are at least 16 years old.
You already know Dokkio is an AI-powered assistant to organize & manage your digital files & messages. Very soon, Dokkio will support Outlook as well as One Drive. Check it out today!

27 March 2015 Lindsay Lohan vs Lacey Chabert

Page history last edited by Vassago 9 years ago

OFFICIAL SSB PPV

"JUGS OF MASS DESTRUCTION" RULES

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on March 27, 2015, 9:07 am

Lindsay Lohan (5'5”, 28 y/o ) v Lacey Chabert (5'3”, 32 y/o ) (JMD)
Result:Lookout;Writing:simgrrl

Before: Girls have faced one another only once before - seven years ago. That ended with Chabert taking Lohan's JMD title. Lohan vows, “Tonight will be different. 2008 was a lifetime ago.” She continues. “Back then JMD was really still in its infancy. Today, it's gone mainstream...you even hear women like Charlize Theron talking about getting into it - despite her obvious lack of real qualifications. That's proof it's taken seriously. You have Hall of Famers like Cat Bell not only fighting JMD, but seeking JMD fights. Jeri Ryan's always done it, whether it was called JMD or not. You throw a rock into any gym in the FCBA or BBU and you'll hit someone either already doing it or trying to get a JMD fight. But Lacey and me....we were in on the ground floor!”

Chabert chuckles, “Some things never change! Lohan's always been a tawdry little loser and she'll still be one after the fight tonight. When she talks about 'the ground floor' as it pertains to JMD, Lohan's someone the other girls scrape off the bottom of their shoe! Other than big soft punching bags, she's got nothing anyone wants to see. I mean, when we girls talk about Lohan, the ONLY thing we wonder is what kind of picture it'll be when we connect the dots...and by 'dots' I mean the freckles on her well-used fun bags after we kick her ass!”

Clearly, there's no love lost between these two highly competitive buxom battlers. Lohan, a two-time former champion (Jan 2008 & May 2009), lost her first title to Chabert, a woman who's held the JMD jeweled brassiere three times, most recently in 2014. Both in the same brand of cleavage enhancing underwire thong bikini. The only difference? Lohan in baby blue and Chabert white. Both wear their hair loose to the nape of the neck. The only difference? Lohan's is red and Chabert's brown. Both in bare feet? Sure. The only difference? Lohan's feet sport tattoos, toe rings and blue nail polish; Chabert's are unadorned.

When asked about her feet, Lacey snarks, “My feet will be wearing Lohan's saggy ass when I'm done with that loser ######!”

Special guest referee for the bout is JMD veteran Danielle Fishel. At ringside, current JMD titleholder Jessica Lowndes flaunting the bejeweled JMD bra. Asked who'll be her next title defense, the brunette shrugged and purred, “We'll see. It may depend on how someone does tonight.”

During R1: Lohan walking calmly forward behind a sturdy jab, gliding to her left; keeping that annoying left in Lacey's face. Chabert also stepping to her left, whipping several rights in under LiLo's raised left elbow - all but one of them coming up just short of their bra-bulging target. The cautious dance continues into the middle of the round when Chabert makes her first mistake. Over-reaching, the brunette exposes her chin and Lohan is quick to strike. Her left hook shakes Lacey, who recoils and throws up both hands trying to regain her balance. LiLo charges, driving her shoulder into Lacey's 'ladies' and pushing her to the ropes. There, Lindsay sets up; chop-chop-chopping into the plush goodies bouncing up and down on Chabert's heaving chest. Red-faced Lacey forced to endure a good, hard, thirty seconds of abuse; her hands cupping LiLo's ears as she rides out the pounding. Lohan closes with a flurry like she's punching the heavy bag in the gym, her flashing fists lathering up Lacey's lats and abs from the waistband of her thong to the elastic at the bottom edge of her top. At the bell, both girls faces flushed and their lips curled back. The only difference? Lohan's grinning and Chabert's grimacing. Lohan wins the round (wide) on points by smashing her way into Chabert's juggs early.

R2: Lacey on her feet before the bell, eager for payback. Chabert gets on top of Lohan from the git-go, head-hunting with both fists as she chases the retreating redhead around the ring. Lohan under attack keeping her kool, backing up behind a peek-a-boo defense, elbows tucked in tight protecting her precious 'babies'. Chabert content to cuff her up around the ears or go low to light up Lohan's belly in that narrow band between her thong and her belly button. It's when Chabert finally pauses for a couple of breaths that Lohan goes over onto the offense. Using her new and improved jab effectively, LiLo snaps Chabert's head back time and again. Lacey, in stutter-stepping retreat not as consistent with her punches, missing over the crouching redhead, allowing Lindsay to come up inside to punish Chabert's “fun bags” over and over. When Lacey lowers her hands to protect, Lohan straightens and drops the hammer! CHABERT'S HURT! Big overhand right buckles Lacey's legs. Again, Lindsay bundles the brunette up and bears her to the ropes and pins her in the corner to lavish “a little love and affection” on Chabert's jumpin' juggs. Chabert battered mercilessly as Lohan keeps her pinned in the corner for the final minute of the round with a masterful show of jugg muggery that ends with a 'speed bag' barrage that has Chabert's eyes watering. At ringside, Jessica Lowndes' nodding her silent appreciation for a job well done.

Between: Chabert's corner (Jennifer Lopez) in her face, giving her the old “you're blowin' it kid” speech. At ringside, Jennifer Love Hewitt walks halfway around the ring to kneel in front of Jessica Lowndes, the two of them thick as thieves whispering. At one point, JLH points to the ring as if discussing one, or both, of the participants. When Lowndes' shakes her head, JLH (pouting) returns to her seat where she gets into a heated argument with Mirage GM, Catherine Zeta Jones.

R3: Chabert out more serious and focused; coming right at Lohan who continues to circle behind her jab. Lacey's punching less circular, more North-South than East-West as in the first two rounds. She has some success too, pancaking Lohan's left breast twice in the opening minute with short, quick, right hands. Redhead doesn't like it one bit and unleashes a barrage of blows onto Lacey's head and shoulders to show it. DOWN SHE GOES! In her haste to get payback, Lohan walks into a left uppercut that catches her clean. The redhead goes sprawling on her backside and Chabert tramples her as she freight trains over her, trampling LiLo's right breast in the process; then stumbling facefirst onto the ropes where she dangles - arms draped over the top rope, heaving breasts thrust forward under it - in front of Lowndes. The JMD champ looks up, meets her challenging stare and....yawns! Covering her mouth with her hand, Jessica then flicks it like she's shooing away an annoying gnat!

By the time Chabert regains her composure, referee Fishel is wiping down Lohan's gloves and gesturing to Lacey to get back to the fight. Lohan recovering behind her raised gloves, giving up her body to protect her face, elbows tucked into her chest. Lacey pounds away for a while, then realizes she's not getting anywhere, shifts her attack to LiLo's ribs, then to her pale, freckled, tummy where she enjoys some success...accompanied by the grunts and groans from Lindsay every time she feels the sting or has her breath taken by a gloved fist sinking deep into her abs. The bell finds Lohan doubled over at the ropes right in front of Jennifer Love Hewitt and Catherine Zeta Jones, her thong bisected butt stuck out like a fresh hamhock in a butcher's window. JLH and CZJ licking their chops as they study the aftermath of Chabert's comeback round. The early knockdown put Lohan's ass in hole she couldn't climb out of as Lacey wins the round (widely) to narrow the gap.

Between: Academy trainer Sharon Stone shaking Lohan's shoulders, trying to get her to focus. “Stop playing around and remember what we talked about,” she screams. “You want this or not?”
Chabert bubbly but Lopez reminds, “You're still behind on the cards. One round isn't going to win the fight.” Pointing across at Stone and Lohan, she says, “She's giving her the same advice I gave you last round. Give her an opening and it'll be you on your ass next time. So bear down!”

R4: Lohan out cautiously, not looking quite right yet. Lacey bouncy, on her toes, cocky, confident after her success last round. Hands low at her hips, Lacey flipping punches up with both hands, fists slashing back and forth over LiLo's “lovely ladies” putting the redhead's gelatinous juggs all awobble. The crowd - who can never get enough - eating it up; but it's not THEIR juggs being smashed and battered! Lowndes at ringside inching forward on her chair, nervously chewing her long, fake, fingernails. She's been there, done that - on both sides - and can't help feeling some small sympathy for her juggy rivals. Chabert establishing dominance early in the round, not about to ease up. She knows Lohan's reputation as a bully; smack her around a little and she'll quit. She intends to do exactly that, whip the redhead 'til she can't take any more and either quits or goes out flat on her back. Then Lacey can do what she does better than any other JMD fighter, use her God-given assets to dominate a lesser woman and prove her superiority. SMACK! (groan) SPLAT! “Ugh...” Lacey grinning as she turns into a left hook that digs into LiLo's right side, folding her forward. Propping Lindsay up with a forearm under the juggs, Lacey twists her hips and brings her right fist around to invert Lohan's belly button. Lindsay, right cheek on Chabert's right shoulder, tearful eyes blinking as she stares out into the crowd; soaking up the hurt. LiLo wraps her left arm around Lacey's neck and hugs her to her bosom as they careen around the ring; belly-on-belly; bosom-to-bosom; thigh-to-thigh. Lacey, with both hands free, keeps a steady rhythm; pounding Lindsay up and down both sides. She can feel the redhead's body softening, wilting under the abuse. 'It won't be long now,' Lacey thinks as she hears Lopez scream from the corner, “TWENTY SECONDS!” Chabert wedges her hands between them and heaves Lohan back, shoe-shining her heaving hooters with a rapidfire back and forth to the bell. As she turns away, Lacey sees the tears in Lohan's eyes and lets out a little squeak of pleasure as she flops wearily onto her stool.

R5: More of the same! Chabert picks up right where she left off, taking the fight to Lohan who's thinking defense first; protecting her throbbing assets from any further abuse. Lindsay in retreat, keeps out of Lacey's reach as much as she can. When she can no longer avoid combat, Lohan trying to get in the first shot...left-right then retreat - bouncing away to escape Chabert's strong right hand reply. It usually works...but not always! Lacey making adjustments on the fly, changing from lefty to righty; circling one way, then the other; backing up, then changing directions and charging forward; anything she can think of to 'wrong foot' the befreckled redhead and counter her tactics. Chabert chug-chug-chugging her fists up into the vulnerable underside of Lohan's rapidly reddening rack, driving her backward across the ring to the ropes. Lohan, unable to protect her precious treasure from the abuse, forced to counter-attack with rights and lefts to Lacey's head as she bludgeons the brunette back. To and fro they rock and roll; first one, then the other, gaining and losing the upper hand in a pier six brawl that has fans riveted in their seats. SHE'S HURT...! A seemingly innocuous right hand has no visible effect, then suddenly Chabert's legs buckle and she wobbles, groping to clinch with LiLo. Lindsay throws her off and drives a straight right into Chabert's chin. Lacey spins to her right and dives facefirst to the canvas! Lohan staggers back surprised, then steps back toward Chabert and draws back her right foot. Before she can kick the busty brunette in the chest, referee Dani Fishel tackles her and both go down in a heap. They roll over but Lohan comes up on top, punching Fishel twice in the chest, before she gets back to her feet and goes for Chabert again. Fishel scrambles on her hands and knees, wrapping Lohan up around the ankles, dropping her on her belly. As Fishel drags LiLo away from Chabert, Lohan kicks and wriggles trying to get away as the bell rings.
The seconds from both corners clambered thru the ropes to join the melee when two female security guards jumped in to separate the two factions while Fishel wrestles Lohan back to her corner, then returns to escort the woozy Chabert and her seconds back to hers. After warning both women, Fishel consults with the officials, then decides to let the fight resume - since the round ended before Chabert was counted out. Everything that occurred after the bell is forgotten...for the moment. The late knockdown gave Lohan the edge in what had been a close-fought round to that point. More importantly, it puts Lindsay Lohan in a 3-2 lead after five rough rounds.

Between: In her corner, LiLo steaming - as angry at Fishel for “attacking” her as she is at Chabert. It took all of Sharon Stone's wiles to get LiLo focused on the task at hand, but she was ready when the bell rang. Chabert still a bit woozy, but Lopez seizes the opportunity to take advantage of Lohan's redheaded temper and agrees with Chabert when she pleads to be allowed to “finish what I started.”

R6: Lohan pawing the canvas with eagerness before the bell; Chabert is still on her stool getting a shoulder massage from a nervous J-Lo. Chabert up after the bell, walking slowly toward Lohan who stops halfway across the ring and motions “come on” to Chabert who takes a deep breath, raises her fists and pokes out a jab that comes up short. As Lohan steps into a right hand, Chabert uncorks a straight right aimed at the small area at the bridge of LiLo's nose between her eyes! Her punch never lands because an instant before, Lohan's right crashes onto the side of Lacey's jaw. Chab's head snaps, her own right sailing high and wide as she corkscrews to the mat chest first, her face smacking the canvas, her head bouncing! The brunette stays spread-eagled, unmoving, as Lohan steps over her, straddles Lacey, does a slow, sexy, bump and grind while Fishel just waves her arms overhead ending the fight. The official verdict was, obviously, KO6 Lindsay Lohan!

After: Now the fun begins....for Lohan (and JMD) fans! Even as Jen Lopez and Shania Twain are struggling to revive Chabert enough to get her upright and back to her stool, Lohan is in her corner, holding up her gloves and screaming at Sharon Stone and Janet Jones, “CUT 'EM OFF! CUT 'EM OFF, DAMMIT! HURRY... SHE'S GONNA GET AWAY!!”

As soon as Stone cuts the laces on one glove, Lohan half turns and starts pulling away. Stone manages to cut the laces on the second glove as Lohan takes off like a shot, her left hand still taped, her right glove still on her hand, the loose laces dangling. She runs up behind Lopez and Twain who are supporting Lacey between them and slams into Lopez, sending her tumbling head over heels. Shania, trying to hold Chabert's dead weight, falls on top of Lacey as they both go down.

Pandemonium!

Lohan flings Twain aside, rolls Chabert onto her back, then drops and straddles the brunette's thighs. She pulls Lacey up by a handful of hair and SMACK, SMACK, SMACK slaps her forehand-backhand-forehand; rocking her head trying to bring her around. “WAKIE WAKIE b###h! I WANT YOU AWARE OF WHAT HAPPENS! WAKE UP DAM YOU!!”
Shania sits up looking around for help. Lopez is on her feet, but she hesitates to interfere. She's been berated by Chabert before for interfering when Lacey was the one on top, now she's not sure whether to get involved or not. Shania has no such doubts. Twain crawls over on all fours and grabs Lohan's arm as she rears back to slap poor Lacey again. Lohan turns the PUNCHES the singer in the face, knocking her onto her back. Shania sits up with tears in her eyes, holding her bleeding nose in both hands. Lopez has to struggle not to laugh at the expression on Shania's pale face.

As Lacey's eyes flutter open, Lindsay grins and purrs, “Welcome back....LOSER!” then she wraps both arms around Lacey's head, grabs two handfuls of hair and plunges the brunette's face into her cleavage. Lacey's arms lift slowly off the mat, fluttering to Lohan's biceps. She grabs and tries (weakly) to push her away, or at least to pull her face out of the sweaty canyon between the freckled breasts cutting off her air. But in her weakened condition, Lacey's attempts are doomed to fail. As her oxygen deprived lungs began to burn, she beats her gloved fists against Lohan's upper arms, her shoulders and finally, her ribs. All it does is make Lohan giggle happily. Twain continues to sit and bleed, shocked beyond any capacity to act. Lopez is sitting up, watching closely. She's seen this happen before and knows there's a thin line between “jugging” someone out and doing serious brain damage. After a minute, Lohan pulls Lacey's head back and looks into her eyes. They're glazed and unfocused, probably as much from the knockout as the “jugging” but still...

When Lohan slaps Lacey's blank face back into her puppy palace, J-Lo decides to act. She stands up and crooks a finger to the women standing in the Mirage corner who were closely watching the action. Angelina Jolie and Cobie Smulders, joined by rookie Melanie Iglesais, come to the center of the ring - where they're intercepted by referee Dani Fishel.

“Lemme handle this,” Fishel says, rubbing her hands together as she walks over to Lohan who is seated on Chabert's lap; legs wrapped around Lacey's waist; ankles locked behind her; slowly rocking; rubbing Lacey's face up and down in her cleavage. “OK, that's enough, Lohan. Let 'er go!”

Lindsay looks up, her face blissful, her eyes half closed. “Go 'way, I'm almost there....”

“Kee-rist!” Iglesais gasped, “Is she gettin' off on that?”

Fishel steps behind Chabert and tries to pry Lindsay's arms apart, but she's too strong and has the hold locked in tight. Lacey's feet are beating a tattoo on the mat, but her struggles are slowing as she fades away.

“Dammit, you better do SOMETHING...” Lopez screams at Fishel, “...or I will!”

Smulders jumps in and punches Lohan in the side of the face. The redhead is knocked back, giving Lacey a gulp of air before LiLo re-establishes her smother. Before Cobie can hit her again, Sharon Stone charges in and jumps Smulders. She's followed by Janet Jones who'd been working in Lohan's corner. But before Jones even reaches the pig pile, she's tackled by Catherine Zeta Jones - just arrived from the Mirage corner where she went when all hell broke loose. As CZJ and Janet roll over, Zeta Jones' beaded red gown rips down the side as her legs fly up and out. Janet punches Catherine in the side a couple of times before CZJ uses a handful of hair to roll them over. When Catherine was on top, she came up swinging!

Smulders had little trouble with Sharon Stone, though Stone's slacks and tee-shirt were far better attire for catfighting than the spaghetti strap cocktail dress Cobie was hoping to show off at the stable 'victory party' later that evening.

At ringside, Kim Basinger was sitting between Cat Bell and Jennifer Lawrence. Kim bolted from her seat and scrambled up the stairs into the ring. As she bent to step thru the ropes, she looked back and yelled, “C'mon, what're you waiting for?” Then she waded into the fast expanding melee. Elizabeth Olsen didn't need a second invite. She ran to the ring apron, jumped up onto it, and dove thru the ropes headfirst. She landed, did a front somersault and bounced up on her feet beside Basinger.

As soon as Olsen and Basinger got up and started for the ring, Anne Hathaway, Katie Holmes and Marisa Miller left their seats on the opposite side and headed for the scene of the action.

“Oh, come on,” Cat Bell said to Lawrence. “You can't let the old women do all the heavy lifting.” She stood and started up the steps to the ring with Jen Lawrence right behind her. Cat stopped several feet along the apron from the turnbuckle, lifted the middle rope and stepped the lower strand with her foot, creating an opening for Lawrence.

“Here you go,” she told J-Law. As Jennifer bent and extended one leg between the ropes, Bell removed her foot from the bottom rope, which snapped up, tripping Lawrence. Cat kicked Charlize Theron's young protege in the butt, sending her flying forward into Marisa Miller who caught J-Law under one arm, turned and hip-tossed the young fighter into the air. She crashed down on her back and had the wind knocked out of her. Miller dropped on Lawrence's belly, pinning her arms with her knees, then Miller looked back to see what Bell was going to do. But the wily old brunette had already returned to her ringside seat and her cocktail - which Cat lifted in a silent toast as she gave MM a smirking grin.

Hathaway and Holmes each had a tight grip on one of Kim Basinger's arms, spreading them wide and leaving her slender body exposed and vulnerable to Melanie Iglesais who showed off her newly acquired “punching bag” technique using Basinger's Oscar-winning boobs as 'speed bags' - and a fine technique it was - according to everyone except for Kim Basinger, who was wailing and pleading to anyone within earshot.

Elizabeth Olsen had gained a brief edge when she took down Penelope Cruz from behind, but the arrival of Amanda Seyfried more than evened the contest and soon Olsen found herself buried under a pile of soft, pretty, pulchritude.

That left Dani Fishel to deal with Lohan, something Dani felt more than capable of. Indeed, once she had the rear naked choke hold locked in on Lohan, pulling her away from Chabert was no longer much of a problem.

When the contestants for the next bout arrived with the referee, they found a mass of squirming, writhing, gorgeous women in the ring - several in various states of undress (and at least one who will remain nameless, was completely topless).

* * * *
When the smoke cleared, the results were recorded as follows:
Marisa Miller breast smothered Jennifer Lawrence. (KO)
Dani Fishel breast smothered Lindsay Lohan. (KO)
Angelina Jolie face sat Sharon Stone - and CZJ claimed half credit. (.5 KO each)
Catherine Zeta Jones punched out Janet Jones. (KO)
Amanda Seyfried & Penelope Cruz shared breast smothering Elizabeth Olsen. (.5 KO each)
And Kim Basinger was the “biggest loser”...
she submitted to Melanie Iglesais' breast punching (TKO);
was breast smothered by Anne Hathaway (KO);
was then slapped awake to be face sat by Katie Holmes (KO)!!!

While all of that was going on, Cat Bell was sitting ringside, recording all the action on her cellphone, then she posted it on the Internet and e-mailed copies to Theron, Jeri Ryan and Blake Lively with a note: “Had a wonderful time. Wish you were in there too.”

Days later, rumors of a Mirage-Academy Stable War were flying around the FCBA. Nobody knows who wanted what part of who, but Lawrence-Miller seemed a no-brainer. Lively-Iglesais made a lot of sense to several posters; as did Fishel-Lohan who (apparently) have never met in the ring (officially)!

Theron, Ryan and Bell could easily find opponents from any of the many members of Mirage (and one wag - facetiously we hope - suggested Charlize should fight “ten different Mirage members, one round each”!)