Lucy Hale vs Brenda Song

Pretty Little Punchers, Inc. vs Bazz Fight Club
(Words: Bazz / Results: Lookout!)

Before: The two girls looking about as comfortable as two kids getting their first haircuts at the barbershop. The squirming, jostling, gesticulating and perturbed looks are nonstop. Both fighters simply besides themselves at having to stand in the same county let alone right next to each other.

“I’ve already beaten this pest, quite convincingly too! I’m the alpha girl in this joint and she knows it! Tonight’s going to be no different. I’m coming out on top and then my mates and I are going to give her a walk of shame that the FCBA is going to be talking about for years to come.” Lucy Hale barks like a junkyard dog at her opponent who stares directly ahead with stoic discipline not even acknowledging Hale’s existence.

Brenda Song takes her turn returning the bark with plenty of venom. “You know what? I’m going to beat that big butt of yours right into the canvas. Yeah! That’s right! You’ve got a big butt! It’s huge! I don’t even know how that crew of Pudgy Little Pugslies can stand being seen in public with you!”

“Why you! I don’t have a big. . . “ Managers and security drag fighters away as all H E Double Hockey Sticks breaks loose amongst the flyweights once again.

Lucy looking fabulous in a navy blue bikini with matching gloves and boots. Brenda resplendent in a white bikini with black gloves and boxing shoes. Both hairstyles loose and tangly.

Rd 1 Both girls scurry out like predators after a bone on the Serengeti. Two jabs by Hale connect knocking Song’s head back. Brenda comes back with an overhand right that just grazes Hale’s head. Lucy and Brenda each begin punching flurries throwing caution to the wind. Defense a distant memory as each fighter is fueled by an utter disdain for the other. Brenda quick and agile moves in low touching up Hale’s midsection. Meanwhile Lucy landing a couple of slaps to Brenda’s noggin backing her down. Brenda skips along the ropes avoiding Lucy who seems to be connecting often. Song tries to connect from an angle but Hale blocks the assault. Hale then returns fire with a jab and right cross which seems to be working against the Bazz girl. Both girls starting out at a furious pace with a slight edge to Lucy.

Rd 2 Fighters charge out to midring. Song bouncing in and out on Hale showing off some smooth moves occasionally connecting with a bop to the head. Lucy more forthright and methodical charges in with some power jabs trying to catch the firefly quick Song. Brenda shuffles to the left and tries to dart in under Hale’s radar but doesn’t fool the Pretty Little Puncher who slams Song on the forehead with a solid right hand. Song In Trouble! Brenda staggers away falling against the ropes as Hale gives chase. Bazz girl covering up as Hale pummels her with lefts and rights trying to finish the brawl early. Song just trying to recover well enough to get back into the fight. Finally she’s able to move to the left and get off of the ropes. Lucy Hale looking strong in the first two rounds has no trouble catching Song and dealing out some more punishment with that powerful jab that she follows up with a right cross that turns Song’s head to the side. Girls trade punches and do their best to dodge the other as the bell rings with Lucy Hale in complete control.

Poindexter Del Crunchy seen standing in front of a seated and dejected Brenda Song while her corner works on her. Suddenly with hands on hips the Scotsman leans down and gives the Bazz fighter a quick lecture. Song nodding her head as Pointy talks firmly and then giving his fighter a pat on the shoulder ducks out of the ring.

Rd 3 Hale struts out of her corner like a peacock on display. Brenda meets her and they complete an effective exchange of punches. Song bounces away and before Hale can catch her bounces back planting her left leg and stinging the brunette with a strong overhand right. Hale reels backwards, her face a show of complete shock and awe as she takes a Song left and collapses against the ropes. Brenda slaps two rights into Hale’s midsection and just like that the Pretty Little Puncher is in trouble. Song doing a job on the torso leaving extra time to concentrate on an examination of the jugs. Hale covering up as best she can still too dazed to make a run for it. Song trying to make the best of her opportunity stinging Lucy with a couple of effective uppercuts mixed in with a repetitive flow of shots to the belly. Hale doubled over taking the abuse with the ref seriously thinking about stepping in when she darts to the left and makes an escape. Both girls trade punches at center ring until the bell rings and now it’s Brenda Song’s turn to look good strutting back to her corner.

Rd 4 Brenda out with new confidence. She’s bouncing from side to side not rushing things, attacking Lucy using the angles given to her. Lucy not even thinking of giving up any territory plunges in on the Bazz Girl trying to push Song back against the ropes. Song isn’t having any part of it. She sashays around the PLP beauty buggywhipping a right hand to Hale’s midsection. Hale throwing jabs again touching up Song to the head doing her best to slow things down. Song continues to float around her foe moving in when an opening presents itself, planting a foot and throwing a jab, a cross or an uppercut whichever punch might be most effective, choosing her moments carefully and staying away from Hale’s effective power. Hale cutting off the ring on Song slowly corralling the Bazz fighter but it is Song retreating on her heels who scores with a two punch combination to the end the round on top.

Rd 5 Lucy all in for this round. She’s had a tough two rounds and if she’s going to get back into this her corner tells her it has to be during this round. Hale puts in the extra effort chasing down Brenda right away. She faces off with Song and chops away at the midsection. Brenda getting walked back ends up against the ropes. Song is withstanding some serious punishment while cornered and she wants out badly. It’s all pretty little punching inside for Lucy as she has control of Brenda for the first time in two rounds. While Hale throws punches up high Song blocks them as best she can and throws her own down low at Lucy’s midsection. Song banging and trying to scoot out the side door but for the first two minutes of the round she’s trapped and forced to fight on Hale’s terms. Finally towards the end of the round Song breaks out and makes Hale fight at midring. Brenda finally able to breathe now throwing punches from long range but the round has slipped away and as the bell rings Brenda seethes as she storms off to her corner.

Song just sits in the corner as she’s worked on and withstands the heat of Poindexter Del Crunchy’s glare. The big Scotsman stands a couple feet in front of the seated Song and simply gives her what can only be called and odd stare with his arms folded in front of him. Brenda does her best to not look up at her manager but it is next to impossible. It’s probably the longest anything that the young fighter has ever had to endure.

Rd 6 Both fighters move out to mid ring with grim determination, Hale to hold a very slim lead and Song to prove that she can fight at a level above this one. Lucy jabbing hard and following up with strong right hands. She’s in the groove as she hunts down the pesky Bazz girl. Brenda steps back blocking the pretty little punches as she retreats. Suddenly the lithe flyweight counters on Hale with a three punch combination and Hale’s Hurt! Brenda takes her time allowing the pain to sink in on the brown haired beauty and then in again with a picture perfect form left right combination that sends that sends Hale backwards looking like a drunk guy at a square dance. She’s hanging on now as Song continues a massive barrage. Lucy tries to wait it out towards the center of the ring totally covered up against the onslaught deploying an occasional right hand hoping to catch Song and slow her down. Crowd on its feet smelling blood in the water as Brenda works over Hale but Lucy begins to throw more punches and as the round comes to an end she’s on an even keel and connecting with Brenda. Still the round was heavily in Brenda Song’s side.

Rd 7 Hale surprises everyone in the arena with her recovery. She’s moving straight ahead on Brenda who seems frustrated at not having ended things in the last round. Both fighters employing the same techniques with Hale charging ahead and Song counter punching her way out of trouble. Song takes a very strong jab from Hale right to the chin that brings the crowd back to its feet in hopes of the fight ending in an exciting back and forth donnybrook. Hale extends and plants her right leg and tries to follow up with an overhand left but misses a ducking Song. Fighters clinch and the break ends up near the Bazz corner with Song taking more punishment from Hale until a lightning strike two punch combination and HALE’S IN TROUBLE! Song connects with a left and a strong right cross to the chin sending Hale flaying backwards. Pretty Little Puncher bounces off the ropes but there’s no respite as Brenda is all over her. Hale covers up as the ref starts to move in but Song is too quick hitting Lucy Hale in the gut bending her over and then connecting with a right then a left and DOWN GOES HALE! Lucy Hale falls forward to her knees and then slumps back against the ropes looking blankly up at the lights. Referee counts to ten while Brenda Song jumps up and down in a neutral corner. Rd 7 KO Winner Brenda Song!

After: Brenda Song standing along the side of the ring wondering what to do next with her pesky foe when suddenly from the apron comes a “Hey!”. A stick attached to something square shoots up from between the ropes. Cassie Scerbo has jogged over to Brenda and thrown up a camera attached to a selfie stick. Brenda gets the idea and sitting herself down next to Lucy Hale, who is still trying to figure out why the lights are so bright and blurry, puts her arm around her still comatose foe and begins taking selfies with the two of them. Pretty Little Puncher crew besides themselves with anger begins to form a pack on the other side of the ring, not only because of the recorded defiling of their fellow member, but as would alter be revealed, the fact that the camera is a pink and has in big letters SHARKNADO 3 printed across the back with a picture of Cassie Scerbo adorned on it. Meanwhile before the PLPs can decide on a route of retribution Brenda Song continues with her photo array now with Cassie herself photo bombing the pictures in the background. Impromptu photo shoot and all hope of revenge in the ring by the likes of Troian Bellisario are interrupted by one Poindexter Del Crunchy who come barnstorming across the ring screaming about no post match shenanigans allowed.

The two giggling flyweights Scerbo and Song scurry away like mice from a pouncing cat camera and selfie stick in hand. Pretty Little Punchers surround their fighter and with Pointy’s help get her over to the other corner. Ashley Benson heard saying “That was nice of that big guy to help us with Lucy. Maybe we shouldn’t have let him help seeing who he is but who is going to argue with a 6’-6” tree stump?” All post fight interviews with Brenda Song postponed at the very least as a hasty retreat seemed a smart recommendation. Still the question of the night had nothing to do with the fight and everything to do with Brenda Song and Cassie Scerbo. Were they BFFs now? Had they formed a horrifyingly new diabolical team and could the FCBA handle such an earth rattling turn of events?