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1 May 2015 Charlize Theron vs Kristanna Loken

Page history last edited by Vassago 8 years, 11 months ago

OFFICIAL SSB PPV

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on May 1, 2015, 10:30 pm

Charlize Theron (5'10” 127# 36B-24-36) vs. Kristanna Loken, (5'11”, 35yo, 130#, 34B-22-30)
by Lookout / simgrrl

Before: “Loken's a girl living on the reputation of one good year. In 2006, she went 10-0 as a member of my stable. Before and after that year, she's 26-25. That defines jobber. Oh, sure, she's big and she looks tough, but in seven (7) years, she's had four (4) knockouts - and three (3) came in the 9th or 10th round when her opponent either ran out of gas or dropped from fatigue from punching Kris for 8-9 rounds! Loken is not 'the terminator' we keep hearing about endlessly in her stable's hype! Over that same seven years, I'VE had almost thirty knockouts and yet somebody keeps calling for my retirement because they think I'm 'washed up.' If so, what does it say about Loken who's had fourteen (14) fights in seven years. I've had seventy-two (72) fights in that time.

“I'm not a math wizard, I'm just an ordinary 'Goddess' but that sounds like I'm the bigger drawing card. Or, maybe people just want a piece of me before my 'retirement'. But if it's the latter, why was my record 43-27 in those fights? No matter how you cut it, Loken is no Charlize Theron!”

Kris not at all impressed with Theron's calculus skill. “The only Theron figure I'm interested in is the one she squeezes into that teeny-weeny little bikini on fight night. We all know the story; we've heard commentators talk about it; we've read tabloid stories and boxing magazine analysts; we've seen it at ringside with our own eyes. The truth is undeniable... 'pop Theron in the puppies a few times and she quits.' It's been true for two decades and it's more true today than it was in 1999.

“The girl can not take it to the cans!” Then Loken grins as she poses with her boxing gloved fists up, crushing two soda cans.

It's a great visual, but whether it will do her any good in the ring with Theron is problematical. Unlike empty soda cans, Charlize isn't an empty suit who'll stand still for a “jugg mugging” - as our friends at Tractorpull love to hype it. Loken's problem isn't so much can she 'crush Theron's cans?' - it's more like 'can Charlize hit Kristanna's glass jaw?'.'
In their only prior (official) meeting, Loken had Theron in trouble early, but Charlize turned out her lights in the second round. Don't be surprised if we see similar fireworks tonight...but don't arrive late or you may miss the whole show!

Theron in a tiny green bikini, bare feet, shimmering golden hair pulled back in a French braid; Loken in a shiny silver bikini, short hair loose and close to her neck, big black honkin' boots. If the plan is to stomp on Theron's toes, Kris has the right footwear for it!
* * * *
During R1: Theron off to a fast start, loping left and pushing a firm jab in Loken's face. The two leggy blondes have no problem covering the canvas as they slide 'n' glide around behind flashing fists. Loken dipping down in a crouch, extending trying to reach Theron's torso; Goddess doing a good job of leaning in to jab, arching back to pull her puppies out of the line of fire as Loken tries to answer. Neither doing significant damage, but with plenty of range-finding going on, there's promise of hurt hovering just over the horizon. Closing seconds see Theron flashing her customary three punch combo trying to impress the judges and leave them with a positive feeling. Must work, because in what had seemed to be an even round, all three judges give Charlize the nod.

R2: Body Attack! Charlize out all supple and limber, circling left behind the jab again. Loken, a half-beat behind, being forced to react. Loken switches to lefty and walks Theron into a left hook to the body that hurts her! Second left to the body, right to the head sends Charlize careening back into the ropes where Kris Loken has her first opportunity to get 'big girl' on the 'Golden Goddess.' Loken lashing lats and attacking abs with a vengeance for a good thirty seconds before Theron escapes to jog around her in a wide circle, stretching and looking achy. More body work by Loken who seems to have succeeded in slowing the quicker Theron with her body attack. Late in the round, Loken lands a left hook to the liver that buckles Theron's knees, then bodies her back into the blue corner where Kris guts Charlize with low rights and lefts bracketing her belly button, then comes up the middle to bash those much talked-about 'puppies'. Under heavy attack, CHARLIZE TAKES A KNEE! Theron giving up the knockdown, drops to one knee, gloves up around her head. Referee gives her a 'standing eight' as she paces back and forth, stretching and bending, trying to loosen up. When the ref waves Loken over, she only has a few seconds left in the round and can't land a punch before the bell. Big body attack round for Loken, plus the 'knockdown' wins Kristanna the round wide, putting her in the lead - and making Theron's fans nervous.

R3: Body Attack (II). Theron getting attention in her corner between rounds, still not herself to start the third. Loken using her long leg to cut off Theron who is no longer up on her toes, more walking around than gliding. Lack of mobility a distinct disadvantage against a big, powerful, body like Loken who uses her longer legs to get in position where her longer arms are able to reach in beneath Theron's defensive jab, putting the leather to Charlize's left bra cup. Charlize struggling with her inability to dictate, or escape; forced to deal with what is and what it is, is Loken punching her puppies. Charlize showing discomfort as Loken, grinning, talks to her as she pops puppy, “Here's one!” “Here's another!” “Oh, did that hurt?” Grim-faced Goddess, switches to lefty, trying to shield her throbbing left side chest from Loken's right hand, but only succeeds in exposing her right side. Loken having a field day as Charlize again forced to change her stance back to right hander. Theron, unsure what to do, hesitant, Loken playing the bully, a role she obviously relishes. Late, Theron makes an uncharacteristic tactical mistake, attempting to reverse momentum by attacking while in a position of weakness. Loken takes two or three punches to the head, but none land clean and when she counters, it's to Theron's already weakened mid-section. Charlize doubled up by a left hook to the waistband of her bikini, then hurt by a knee-buckling right uppercut. Loken closes the round with a flourish; working over Charlize's body right above Sharon Stone in Charlize's corner. At the bell, Loken raises her arms and shouts, “Puppy Bowl!” as she swaggers back to her stool, leaving Charlize sagging on the ropes as Janet Jones pushes her stool under her butt.

R4: It's a desperate Theron who comes out for the fourth, knowing she's behind on the scorecards and facing a big, strong, bully who is fighting with the lead. Charlize harkens back to the early days of her FCBA career, the period when she had the reputation of a brawler with a granite jaw. She comes straight up to Loken, abandoning circling in favor of trading with the big blond. Theron's jab darting straight to Loken's face, no longer curving in from the side or looping over and down. The more powerful jab snapping Kris' head. Loken's underneath right crosses to the torso now come with her weight on her back foot, rather than front foot as she steps into the punch. Still, Loken's getting contact and it doesn't take much power to pancake Theron 'pups.' First few rounds, Charlize throwing single punches, depending on movement for defense; now she's moving into Loken, throwing combinations; shaking Kris with three and several four, punch combos. Loken hit with more punches in this round than the second and third combined! Loken sticking to her plan, targeting Theron's ta-ta's; having success with the underneath right to her left cup, but not ignoring the right cup which the left hook worries often enough to keep Theron thinking about it too. Not a pleasing round for her, but Charlize manages to slow the Loken Express as she narrowly wins a close-fought round.

R5: Theron more up-beat early, taking the fight to Loken. Kris ready to pit her body against Charlize's, working each others mid-section. Loken still jugg-happy when she's not in Charlize's belly, Theron targeting Kris's head whenever she's not all about abs. Theron's pale paunch taking on a healthy pink glow; Loken's tan belly not showing as much, but both are taking a pounding there. Loken up-tempoing to drive Theron back after two or three tough exchanges go Charlize's way. Kris likes fighting going forward, getting in Charlize's face, bodying up on her, welting up both of the Goddess' flanks when Theron clinches, but when the separate finally, it's Charlize's inside punching that leaves a lasting impression on Kristanna's face. Loken's left eye swelling up, not hindering her yet, but it's a threat. Final minute, Charlize again closing with a flurry...left hook-right cross combination shakes Loken and as she tries to clinch, DOWN GOES LOKEN! A second left hook drops Kris on her butt along the ropes! Charlize turns away, arms raised in victory. But even before she reaches a neutral corner, Loken is already back on her feet! Referee wipes down her gloves and Theron hurries in on the attack. Two, three, four more punches drive Loken sideways along the ropes, but with her gloves protecting her face, none land clean and the bell rings ending the round with big, tough, Kris Loken still standing, but with Charlize winning the round by a wide margin thanks to the late knockdown.

R6: Dr. Theron, you're wanted in surgery! It's a grim-visaged Charlize Theron who stalks out looking to do more damage. Loken more tentative, fighting out of a deep crouch, the better to hammer Theron's chest. Loken using her left hand like a sabre, slashing it across Charlize's chest in a sweeping motion from above her right cup down into her left cup. Theron ignoring Loken's puppy attack (or perhaps she'd grown numb to it) instead concentrating on her jabbing as she kept pushing Kris back step-by-step. Once Charlize got Kris penned up on the ropes in the corner, she unleashed a body barrage that wilted the sturdy blond, finishing up with a diamond-cutter right that whipsawed Loken's head on her shoulders and sent her crashing to the mat face down! Kris lay unmoving as Theron stepped over her and calmly walked to her corner where she leaned on the turnbuckle while the referee counted Loken out. Winner by a KO6 at 2:12, Charlize Theron!
* * * *
After: “Well, that was fun,” Charlize says, her chuckle abruptly cut short by a wince of pain as her body protests. “I always liked sparring with Kris because she forced me to deal with things I would rather have not done in sparring. While I often protested, she did push me to be a better fighter, so there is that. Still, I'd rather have been shopping or dining at a nice restaurant than have spent time in the ring with her tonight. I'm just glad her chin was where I expected it to be. I couldn't have taken a few more rounds with her. She's got an awesome body and with those long arms and legs, getting into it is not an easy thing to do.”

Asked why she didn't “walk” Loken, Charlize sheepishly admitted, “I just wanted to get out of the ring before she woke up. Besides, she only did whatever she thought she had to do to win, just like I did. There's really no hard feelings on my part as far as boxing goes. Oh sure, in the wrestling ring she's a different matter, but some of the things I'd do to her there are way, way, out of bounds in the FCBA. So she got a pass.”
“Charlize!” an ink-stained wretch waved his hand to get her attention. “There was a story in USA Today that tonight's winner could be in line for either Beyoncé or Rihanna next. Any comment?”

Charlize though for a second. “Either would be fine with me. Beyonce's looking to make a return to the FCBA and she's definitely a welter these days. Ri-Ri's a big, sturdy, girl who's probably at the top of the weight at light, so she'd be interesting as well. I wouldn't have a problem if Ginny wanted to put me in with either of them, but it's her call. Despite all the talk that I run the Academy, I'm just another employee. I go where they tell me and fight who they tell me...and I cash their checks.”

Tess Valmore begged to be recognized, but when Charlize called on her, she instead turned to the 'ink-stained wretch' and asked him, “What's with all that ink on your rumbled old suit? I thought print media had gone the way of the dodo; everything's electronic media these days.”

The guy looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “I'll have you know this is printer ink. I had to change the cartridge in my laserjet printer and it spilled; got all over my only good suit.”

Loken not at all pleased to be facing media scrutiny; the first thing she's always asked after a loss is the same - in one form or another, someone wants to know about her “glass jaw” or “china chin” or some variation on the same theme. “She caught me clean with a great punch,” Loken protested. “Woulda put any welter on her butt. Why are you always picking on me about being knocked out, anyway; it happens to everybody sooner or later. You guys...and girls....have got to come up with a different hook for your stories. That one is getting old and I'm sick and tired of it!”

With their favorite topic 'off limits' the rest of the queries for Kristanna revolved around her plans, her stable situation (?) and her love life - another topic she quickly added to the “out of bounds” list!