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31 May 2015 Dove Cameron vs Kristen Stewart

Page history last edited by Vassago 8 years, 9 months ago

 

MAYDAY & MAYHEM AT THE ASYLUM

 

Posted by The Grand Wizard on May 31, 2015, 8:17 pm

 

BEFORE:

"I KNOW what they all think," says Dove angrily. "They all think I can't fight. Well, I CAN, and I'm going to prove it tonight by knocking out Stewart!"

"See, I don't doubt she can fight," says Kristen with a shake of the head. "But, that's not the question. The question is if she can fight well enough to beat me...and she's not going to like the answer to that one."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside, and..."

McCarthy: "What is that INFERNAL NOISE?"

Cassie: "See, right here on the TABLET Avril gave us it says the song is called 'On Top Of The World'..."

McCarthy: "And, AGAIN, I REFUSE to read Front Street's propaganda! And that Lavigne is nothing but Weirdo's George Gobel!"

Tess: "George...wait..."

Cassie: "Worth it, Tess?"

Tess: "Not if this were a telethon..."

McCarthy: "What ARE you two babbling about?"

O'Dell(sighing): "Aaannndd for those of you with 'Mac Mixes Up A 50's Comedian And A Nazi War Criminal', mark your square, then check out the singer of that song, the lovely blonde Dove Cameron, as she's helped off with the robe to reveal a blue bikini that gets the crowd buzzing. And, that's The Beatles and 'Helter Skelter' you hear and that can only mean that the FCBA's biggest fan of The Fab Four, 'The Five-Tool Player', Kristen Stewart is on her way to the ring..."

McCarthy: "Cameron is no Playmate, but even SHE can win a disrobe against Stewart..."

O'Dell: "Kristen into the ring, helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve to reveal that lime green number she prefers, and the ladies are about ready to go. Let's get some picks. Tess favors Kristen. Mac?"

McCarthy: "Unlike most Dancing Hooker opponents, Cameron is NOT without an FCBA win, so, she could pull the upset here, but I have to go with Stewart.

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess."

O'Dell: "And, here we go. Kristen wants to get to the jab immediately. K-Stew has the reach in this one, and she clearly plans to make use of it. Dove all movement, though. She's slipping and bouncing, head and feet moving, bobbing forward then back..."

Cassie: "She's not giving Kristen much to hit, is she, Jenny?"

O'Dell: "She is not. Dove keeping the hands up, circling, weaving, bobbing, popping forward and firing off a quick flurry before bouncing away again. Cameron a super ball in there, bouncing all over the place, giving Stewart more different looks than a funhouse full of mirrors..."

Tess: "Apparently, Jenny O's being paid by the metaphor tonight..."

O'Dell: "Yes, and I'm like the operator of a daycare center. That, by the by, was a similie. I get double for those. Meanwhile, Stewart looking to double up on the jab, but she's not having much success finding the younger woman. Cameron all motion, all about creating openings, bouncing into them, getting off, and getting gone. And she makes it work to the bell and grabs the first round."

McCarthy: "I like the way this kid fights. She knows how to use the quickness and speed. Reminds me of a smaller ME."

Cassie: "And a YOUNGER you..."

McCarthy: "SHUT UP, SCABBO!"

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "More movement from Cameron as we start the second. She's here, there, and everywhere. Stewart wants to establish that left, but Cameron making a difficult target, circling, in and out, getting off quickly, then slipping away."

Cassie: "K-Stew might need to get more aggressive here, Jenny."

O'Dell: "That's just what I was thinking, and Kristen thinking it, too. She's working forward behind the jab now, looking to cut the ring on Dove. Cameron giving ground, working to stay in open canvas, but Stewart cutting down the angles, getting the left home, and now dropping some right hands in."

Tess: "Second fight in a row where we've seen a Front Street girl start to do something she doesn't usually do. K-Stew likes ranged warfare with all that length she has..."

Cassie: "But there's a reason Uncle Wiz is always talking about how smart she is..."

McCarthy: "Like Weirdo would know who's smart!"

O'Dell: "Stewart getting punches put together for the first time now. She's limiting canvas on Dove and able to get the range down as a result. Cameron having a tough time getting off now. Getting suppressed by the jab. Final seconds ticking off in the second and there's the bell. Good round for K-Stew."

McCarthy: "Even at 19 after two."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Into the third now and we've got a game of cat and mouse going. Dove wants to stick and move while Kristen wants to cut and close. Cameron showing some excellent legs, staying in motion, working to avoid the traps Stewart is trying to set."

Tess: "Kristen very patient as usual. She's willing to take her time and bait those traps. Not forcing anything. Just working her feet, looking to get the left on target."

O'Dell: "And Dove doing a better job of limiting those targets this round. She's not getting caught and stopped like she was last round. Stewart's landing the jab, but not able to control Cameron with it. Instead, Dove able to keep moving and stay on the offensive."

McCarthy: "And the result is a two-way round with both girls having their moments."

O'Dell: "No doubt. Dove scoring when she's able to get room, able to circle, bounce in, get off, and slip away. K-Stew scoring when she can corner the smaller woman and put the gloves to her. All about the terms as the final seconds tick off in the third. There's the bell. Close round to Cameron."

Cassie: "And Dove back on top, 29-28."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Fourth begins and the terms set now. Cameron will move, look to hit and run. Stewart will come forward, looking to cut and force lengthy exchanges. And, like we saw in the last round, both girls getting some of what they want, but not all of it."

Cassie: "I really like Dove's strategy. Kristen's athletic. She moves very well. She's got range and power. But her greatest strength is her accuracy. She lands very high percentages in every fight, even against championship level fighters like Hudgens."

O'Dell: "And she's doing that again tonight. But, Cameron is limiting her opportunities with all the movement. She's mostly out of range and, when she ventures in, gets right back out again after having done what she wanted to do."

Cassie: "And that's why this is such a good strategy. You aren't going to make Stewart miss. She's not going to land 40 percent of her punches. So, you limit her scoring by limiting the punches she throws."

Tess: "Got to admit, it's working so far. Mac..."

McCarthy: "She's holding her own, and that's what you want to do as the underdog."

O'Dell: "And Cameron doing that through another good, two-way round. Both women having moments. Neither able to impose will. Both scoring and getting work done, and both working hard right to the bell. Another close one to Dove."

Tess: "Who now has a 39-37 lead."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Fifth begins with more of the same. Cameron popping left and right, in and out, making Stewart chase. Kristen too disciplined to do that. Working her feet, stalking, cutting the ring and getting off a good flurry before Dove can slip away."

Tess: "Is this surprising you, Cassie? That Dove's been so competitive to this point?"

Cassie: "A little. She clearly has ability, but she's still pretty green. Stewart's not an easy girl to handle with her length and accuracy, so, yeah, I figured Dove would struggle more."

O'Dell: "Stewart popping out that left, working forward behind it. Cameron bouncing, bobbing, weaving. Kristen lands a good combination and Dove slips away quickly. The blonde a blur of constant motion. Stewart resolute. Continues to stalk and be patient..."

McCarthy: "And give her credit for that. The instinct under these circumstances is to press to take her out of there, but that's not what you want to do."

O'Dell: "And it's not what K-Stew is doing. Kristen working hard. Moving well. Playing the geometric game with Dove. Getting the ring cut and landing crisp, accurate stuff. Cameron, meanwhile, bouncing around like a top, slipping in to land a quick one-two, taking a counter, but then slipping away. Fifth in the books in three. Two. One. Bell. Another close one. Stewart's this time."

Tess: "48-47 Dove at the half way point."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Back to action and the strategies remain constant. Dove bouncing around, looking for space, keeping the guard high, trying to create openings with her feet. Kristen stalking, looking to cut and get off in combination when she does so."

Cassie: "Cameron clearly in excellent shape. She hasn't slowed a bit and we're into the second half of the fight..."

O'Dell: "Young legs, and she's making good use of them. Dove bounces forward, gets off a quick flurry. K-Stew a good right hand in counter, but Cameron gone before Kristen can follow. Stewart stalking. Looking to get that jab home. She's getting into a bit of a rhythm now, working the jab hard, pre-empting and slowing Dove with it."

McCarthy: "She's been looking to control this girl with that jab the whole fight, and she's getting it done for the first time."

O'Dell: "Is indeed. She's got Cameron backing up. She's keeping her in front, getting the left on target, double-tapping, setting up good right hands. Cameron game, firing back, looking to slip away, but Stewart not having it. Kristen lining the blonde up for the first time, backing her up with those right hands. Final seconds ticking away and there's the bell. Best round of the night for Kristen."

Tess: "Who's evened it up at 57."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Into the seventh now and Stewart back to work. K-Stew in rhythm now. She's solved some of the problems she had earlier with Cameron's movement and she's getting the jab on target in a big way. She's got the blonde thrown to the defensive and is keeping her there."

McCarthy: "Cameron trying to counter, but she's not able to do much of it."

O'Dell: "She most certainly is not. Kristen's fighting lead now and she's grabbing control of this thing in a big way. She's backing and cornering Cameron, landing hard shots with both hands and SHE WOBBLES DOVE WITH A RIGHT HAND! Cameron staggered and DOWN SHE GOES!"

Cassie: "Two or three good punches in that flurry but the stright right at the end did the damage!"

O'Dell: "Dove flat on her back as the count reaches three. Four. Five. Six. Cameron's head lolling back and forth. Seven. Eight. Nine. TEN! It's over! Just like that it's over!"

Tess: "Check the replay of that last flurry, Mac..."

McCarthy: "Here's the hard right that staggers Cameron. Now, left jab, straight right, left hook and another straight right and that last one sends Dove to the canvas...where she stayed long past the count of ten."

O'Dell: "Making your winner by KO7, 'The Five-Tool Player', Kristen Stewart!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I have our winner, Kristen Stewart, and, K-Stew, it was a fight in there..."

Kristen: "Like I said, she can fight. She can make things difficult in there. She's got a lot of energy. She has good feet. And she hits well for a fly. But, like I also said, she just can't fight well enough to beat ME."

Tess: "What's next for you?"

Kristen: "That's all up to the front office. They take care of business up there. I take care business in here." 

 

 

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