Charlize Theron versus Gena Lee Nolin

Ginny's Academy vs Sceej Boxing
(Words: Sceej / Results: Lookout!)

Before: After a long layoff, rekindling of FCBA’s longest standing and most bitter rivalry – the Golden Goddess Charlize Theron v. Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin. The ultimate boxer-puncher versus the brawler. Fifteen plus times these two have traded leather, dating all the way back to the genesis of FCBA in 1999. Theron has built a series lead that is likely insurmountable at this point, but Nolin was getting the measure of CT late in the rivalry. It was at around that time that the rivalry went dormant. Theron moved on to claim the unofficial title the Greatest Of All Time and Oscar success, while Nolin slipped into relative media obscurity. In the ring, Big Bad Gena Lee has been acknowledged in some circles as the greatest knockout artist of all time, though many favor Jeri Ryan for that accolade.

Less welcome is Nolin’s dogged reputation as perhaps the dirtiest fighter of all time; a point relentlessly pressed by the highly regarded Tractorpull publication. To be fair, Theron has her own issues with Tractorpull. While Theron still makes weight for lightweight with ease when she chooses, this event is in the welterweight division.

Gena Lee to ring to strains of “Welcome to the Jungle”, a nod to her well regarded turn as “Sheena, Queen of the Jungle” wearing “classy” (?) leopard print string bikini. Theron enters to “Simply the Best” by Tina Turner wearing classic black sports bra and boy shorts.
Prefight instructions marred by Sceej Boxing’s head trainer, Jenny “Mac the Knife” McCarthy goading the Goddess for ducking her – meaning McCarthy! Charlize coolly indifferent to J-Mac but McCarthy yapping clearly irritating GLN, who growls for Jenny to “shut up … this is my fight!”

Round 1: Theron out in classic stance, right heel slightly of canvas. Nolin in half crouch with mitts under chin. Nolin looking to close but Theron slick with pivots and keeps that jab in Gena’s face. Mostly a pawing jab to keep range but occasionally snaps one that jolts Nolin head. Nolin able to cut ring in final minute and flurry to midriff, but Theron ties up quickly. Easy round for Theron.

Round 2: Nolin gets the “pick it up” speech and responds. Half step quicker, conscious of keeping her left foot outside Theron’s, cutting the ring instead of following. Nolin left hooks to flank, right hook to flank. Theron picking them off with elbows but it stops her in tracks. GLN mauling in and walking Theron to ropes. Theron has spent literally hours in Nolin’s ‘butcher shop” and knows how to deal with it better than anyone, but that said, Gena Lee still just grinds. Head on Theron’s chest, short left and rights to the gut, occasionally bucking head up and “accidentally’ butting the Goddess. All the while, McCarthy screaming from corner that Gena Lee’s the offended party. “Get her hand off her neck, ref! She’s pushing down on the neck!” No single signature shot but Nolin round on pure aggression.

Round 3: More of the same, Grueling work along the ropes but Theron more active. Charlize to savvy to burn energy wrestling, she just looks for tie ups. Grunting through Nolin’s body work. When she senses GLN tiring, she will flurry left right left, cuffing blows to Nolin’s temple, not enough to beat blonde off her but making her pay a price to stay on her.

Round 4: Charlize in charge. Nolin looks to set up shop with Goddess pinned to ropes for a third straight round, but blond butterfly lightly spins off. When Nolin looks to pursue, she finds the classy Theron jab on her nose … pap pap pap … not punishing but annoying … and Theron fans start chant “Char-lize … Char-lize … Char – lize …” Enraged Nolin telegraphs huge overhand right. Classy boxer slips it and sends receipt with a snapping right hand, that slows Nolin pursuit to a crawl.

Round 5: Theron in groove, circling, jabbing, drawing the bull in. Nolin sensing shifting tide, begins to press harder and walks into a picture perfect right on the chin. Nolin stunned, stumbling backward. Theron practically leaps into follow up left hook … and down goes Nolin! Sitting on ass mid-ring, blinking … ref picks up count … McCarthy shrieking “Get up!!!!” … Nolin on knee at six … shakes cobwebs … up at nine. Retreats to ropes and turtles up. Theron the consummate professional … unhurried … sets up at comfortable distance and lays the leather on for last minute of round … left to body … left right to head … back to the body … steady punishment

Round 6: Theron backing Nolin up … and fifteen plus years have shown Gena Lee Nolin can not fight backing up! Theron using laser jab to torment Nolin into half hearted counters, then cracking nemesis with left hook or straight right. Methodical beatdown. Uncharacteristic of the usually aloof Charlize – she forces eye contact at the bell and Nolin looks away – the bully is being bullied!

Round 7-8: When Theron looks to establish distance, veteran Nolin ducks, bull rushes, clinches, and forces the type of sloppy close quarters fighting that neutralizes the classy G.O.A.T’s boxing prowess. Methodical grinding style more suited to Gena Lee. Close rounds but looked like to favor the brawler.

Round 9: Sceej corner warning Nolin that she is likely behind on points. “We need something big … big, get it?” scolds McCarthy, “Just go out and take it from her … just take it!!!”. Nolin looking to draw Theron back into the phone booth but Charlize rested legs those last two rounds and is pivoting, jabbing, almost toying with Nolin. Final minute of round, desperate GLN bull rushes, clinches, battle of legs – Charlize toned sleek stems but Nolin with lower center of gravity, able to force Theron to ropes. Huge body shot! Roar from crowd as Theron drops to knees! Cuffing right hand to top of Theron’s head as ref practically tackles Nolin backward and walks her all way to corner. Ramshackle Theron up at eight … Nolin practically sprinting across ring to lay it on but intercepted by referee and bell rings.

Between rounds: Roar of outrage form crowd as overhead shows the body shot that crippled Theron was well well well “south of the border”. Academy corner applying ice to Theron’s … errr … lower regions(?) and ripping referee. “Stevie Wonder could see that was a low blow!”

Round 10: “Finish!” bellows McCarthy as she sends Nolin out for the kill and the greatest finisher in FCBA history looks to do just that. Theron still on shaky legs. Nolin digs left hook to flank to take the fight out of her and then walks her to ropes, places head on Goddess chest and goes to work. Charlize trapped in Big Bad Gena Lee’s slaughterhouse! Banging left and right to ribs, uppercut to tits, frequent “incidental” head butts to chin … Theron starting to swoon and Nolin steps back for punching room … straight right punches through guard and Theron to one knee. Nolin back to corner beaming with right hand raised in air but mule-stubborn Theron beats count! Furious Nolin loads up the finisher … big right … and is clipped a left hook right on the chin! Big Bad Gena Lee stumbles back … stunned … coronation interrupted! The Greatest of All Time comes off the ropes … and showing how she earned the nickname. Left to the head … right to the head … flurry to ribs … Nolin disoriented … and Theron goes rack! Upper-cutting Gena Lee’s two greatest talents with impunity! Nolin’s choice of fighting wear comes back to haunt her as string bikini top gives way and the Nolin money makers make a surprise guest appearance! Theron fixated … scalds the puppies while corner screams “Knock her ass out!”. Desperate Nolin clinches and gives Theron a going away present …. solid right to the groin! Theron half bent in pain … referee scolding Gena Lee as bell rings … but inexplicably FAILS to deduct a point!. The cards comes back one point decision … Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin!!!

Post fight: Theron on stool having wounded womb “iced”. Sceej corner man Scrubby McGee peeling off shirt and offering to GLN to protect her modesty … save yourself the effort, Scrubby, Gena Lee’s got more important things on her mind! Invades the Academy corner and lifts Theron by hair. To a rain of boos, takes the Goddess on a stumbling wincing Walk of Shame … interrupted when Nolin catches look at glaring Jennifer Lawrence! “You want some? Come get some!” rails Nolin, as Academy forces do double duty of restraining an all too game Lawrence and bundling off the battered Theron to avoid further humiliation.