Charlize Theron (39, 5'9”) vs Rebecca Romjin (42, 5'11”)
by Lookout/simgrrl

“Tale of the Tape: Theron, 36B-24-36; Romijn, 34B-23-33”

Background: “It's 4-3 in Romijn's favor,” Tractorpull writes. “Neither is able to win two in a row; they just keep trading wins back and forth. That metric alone says it's Theron's turn this time.” But then, “Charlize always has had trouble with taller fighters and Romijn is a couple of inches taller. Does that mean she should be favored? Perhaps, but only slightly. Surprisingly, the best thing Theron has going for her now is her youth. Romijn is one of the few fighters she'll face any more who's older...but Rebecca is famous for her fitness and stamina. Recently, Theron has shown signs of wearing down in late rounds. If this fight goes past five rounds – and every minute after the fifth, Romijn's odds to win get better and better!”
* * * *

2015 FIGHT INDEX Interesting stats accompany the story:
Average rounds in Romijn's 4 wins v Theron: 6.75.
Average rounds in Theron's 3 wins v Romijn: 5.33.
Each has one decision; throw those out and the numbers are even more stark:
Romijn - 6.3 rounds per win; Theron - 2.0 rounds per win!

(In other words, Romijn has taken Theron down in the second half her wins, but if Theron can't win early - it's not at all; discounting the two decisions.)

Another Romijn tilting stat: Her 4 wins were by decision (1) or TKO (3) i.e., she beat Theron to a point the referee stopped the fight in 75% of her wins!
In Theron's 3 wins were decision (1) or KO (2) i.e., Theron landed one or more punches or turned out Romijn's lights twice in three wins (Romijn might claim “in half our fights (3xL + 1UD)” she didn't!)
Charlize's 3 KO's were all third round or earlier. Two of Romijn's three TKO's were in the seventh round (the other was in the third!)

This shows Romijn is “usually” able to hurt Theron for sustained periods, while Theron “usually” must rely on her 'one punch power' to beat Beck.

Both statistical analysis' favor Romijn at something like 70% to 30%.

Conclusion: Here's how to beat those Vegas prop bets:
Winner early/late - Theron early (1-4th rds); Romijn late (7-10th rds). No fight ended in 5 or 6!
Winner over/under FIVE rds: Theron (33%/67%); Romijn (75%/25%)
By KO - Theron (67%); Romijn (0%).
By TKO - Romijn (75%); Theron (0%).
By Decision - (50%) Don't bet. House edge; it's 14% for either.
Fight Distance - (sucker bet)

* * * *
Before: “Naturally, I reject their 'reality' and substitute my own,” Charlize said after hearing of the article. “Sure Romijn is tough, why wouldn't she be. She's over forty years old and she's had less than 75 fights. She's well trained and well rested. She's always been careful selecting opponents. You look at her record and you see a woman who hasn't fought more than four times a year since 2006. She picks her spots and her opponents. This is her first fight this year and she's been training six months for me. I've had less than one to prepare for her. Don't let her rhetoric fool you, she KNEW back in December she'd get this opportunity; she prepared for it the way a general prepares for the next war. She's been hitting the heavy bag to build up her strength for my midsection; she's been working the speed bag, building up her hand speed for my boobs, and she's been doing road work and leg lifts so her legs will be able to keep up with mine. And still I'm not worried. Why? Because I can hit her – hard!”

Romijn seems amused as she formulates her reply. “Of course I always prepare for Theron. She's my natural nemesis, the fighter everyone wants to emulate and everyone has to beat. There's a reason she's considered the 'Greatest Of All Time'. The other reason I work so hard to prepare for her is because while she's not easy to catch, she's so much fun to hit! She's always relied on her natural talent as a dancer and fighter to avoid trouble in the ring....until the last five or six years.

“Lately, she's slowed down and now she's a big target. Did you look at the names of the women who've beaten her lately? No one close to MY class, no matter what she says about my age. Few women have hands as quick as mine...Diaz, Strahovski, maybe Keibler - though she's way overrated for her footwork, which is ordinary at best. Charlize has known for years whenever she's in a ring with me she has to end it before I can work over that body she's so, so, proud of...but which she refuses to train the way she should. And those boobs she loves to brag about? They're soft and malleable, the perfect place to plant a fist. And that's been true since 1999. She talks so much about her body and her boobs because she's afraid of what I can do to them. And she's right to worry. I've been her worst nightmare since Peta Wilson and Ashley Judd retired.”

* * * *
During R1: Romijn, true to her promise, going right to Theron's body; jab-jab-jabbing to get close, then clinching and pounding lats, kidneys and that belly! Theron struggling, red-faced, pinned with her butt jutting between the ropes. It's a full minute of hard body work from Romijn before Theron finally manages to squirm, wriggle, and wrestle her way free. And she's already panting! Charlize's jab often coming up just short of the mark, so Rebecca disregards it after a bit, walking thru it to help herself to that golden tanned torso with both fists! Time and again Charlize doubled up by crisp, sharp, body punches by the older blond. Romijn ignoring 'father time' to focus on 'mother belly'! At the bell, Theron huffing and puffing as she wobbles in body pain to her corner. Romijn looking 'spring chicken' young after ladling lots of 'tough love' into Theron's suspect mid-section. Points (wide) go to Romijn who's showing no signs of spoiling her fans plans for a celebration.

R2: Theron settling down between rounds, getting an earful from Head Trainer Natasha Ragozina and her personal guru, Sharon Stone. She's out cautiously. She's found her jab and sticks it in Rebecca's face time and again, slowing her forward momentum. Theron leggy, but Romijn's leggier, and she continually manages to turn Theron's flank, digging lefts/rights to her side. Theron cramping up as Romijn continues to steamroll her. Midway, Charlize connects with a short left hook, follows with a right cross and ROMIJN IS WOBBLY BUTT! Charlize, slow to realize the damage she's done, lets precious seconds pass while she sets herself rather than attack. Romijn grimacing, backpedals, Theron walking after her, taking her time. Charlize POPs her best jab of the fight, snapping Rebecca's head back, sweat flying from her hair. Theron closing in: hook body, hook body, cross to the head. ROMIJN'S HURT! Rebecca's knees dip briefly and that's all Charlize needs to see! Theron going all in with thirty seconds left. Romijn desperately clinching, hanging on for her life! Charlize pushing at Romijn's body, trying to get punching room, but Rebecca bellies up to her and the two slim blondes waltz like some 'Same Sex Dancing With The Stars' pair. At the bell: Romijn sags forward, head on Theron's shoulder. Angrily, Charlize shoves her away and Rebecca almost falls. Theron storms back to her corner, angry at herself for not 'closing the deal' when she had a chance but she still wins the round on points.

R3: Theron's face grim, the GOAT's all business. Rebecca flustered – coming out with her weight on her back foot, hands up, tentative. Theron picking up right where she left off last round, continuing to dictate from long range, extending on all her punches. She's methodical - bending forward, snapping left jabs in strange, unpredictable patterns, fitting in occasional rights; both hands shredding Rebecca's defenses. Crisp right hand spanks Romijn's face; left uppercut digs into the underneath of Rebecca's bra as she tries to protect her flawless face from further damage. Theron getting off in combinations, bending in to ram the left hook in under Romijn's right elbow, or the inside of her left bra cup. Rebecca breaking down and by late in the round she's frustrated, sniveling, wobbly...hurting in her body, unable to get off...Theron pounding in punches like those straight rights to midsection that suck all of Romijn's will – along with her energy. Late, another power shot sends shock waves thru Romijn's awesome tight abs, pitching her forward with a strangled sob...crippled. Charlize fronting Rebecca, legs spread in a wide power-base stance; she rips into Romijn's midsection with mean-spirited malice until DOWN GOES ROMIJN! Rebecca, so big, so strong, so lanky, just wilting under Theron's seemingly endless barrage of leather, finally falls forward, descending slowly to all fours; her head bowed, her face flushed, her trembling lips unable to hold in her mouthpiece which tumbles out and corkscrews around on the mat in front of her. Fans at ringside hear her sobbing in pain as she lifts her left glove to her stomach. Theron stands towering over her, her fists clenched, her face a twisted mask of fury. It's as if she's daring Romijn get up she she can knock her down again, or to lift her head, make eye contact and submit. Rebecca does neither. The referee finally has to physically shove Charlize back. Still, she lingers a moment or two, circling restlessly back and forth behind the official, before she finally turns and swaggers away; arms raised. The referee takes one last look at the wreckage of the gorgeous blond at his feet and waves off the count. Charlize Theron wins via KO3!

* * * *
After: Charlize quickly doffs her gloves and heads across the ring toward Romijn's corner while Rebecca's seconds are still icing down her bright red abs and passing smelling salts under her nose. After several strides, Charlize stops short and looks back to her corner where the Academy Head Trainer Natalya Ragozina, the retired undefeated former world middleweight champion is standing with one hand on Sharon Stone's shoulder and the other in the air, her crooked finger motioning Theron to return. After a brief hesitation, Charlize grudgingly returns to join them.

After a minute of two of being huddled together in earnest, whispered, conversation, Charlize nods her agreement and then turns to resume her visit with Romijn. Ringside, fans are sitting forward eagerly in their seats waiting to see what is going to happen as Charlize reaches Romijn's corner. Jordana Brewster, one of Romijn's seconds for the fight, hovers; watching like a hawk ready to launch itself on a tasty morsel.

Charlize squats down in front of Romijn who is bent forward, holding an ice pack to her abs with her left hand, her right elbow on her right knee. Charlize bends in, her forearms on the beaten fighters thighs and bends down, her face just inches from Rebecca's as she speaks to her in a low, soft voice no one else can hear. The two talk for a couple of minutes, then Charlize stands up and (playfully?) ruffles Romijn's hair with her left hand. As she turns to leave, Rebecca grabs Theron's right wrist and pulls her back down, says something to her and then lets go. Charlize looks down at her and smiles, then nods and returns to her corner.

Later, in front of the media, Charlize face glowing with pride. “I beat her body tonight. It's always great to do that to someone with a great physique like Romijn, but this was specially sweet.

The first question any fighter is usually asked after a fight us either “what did you say afterward” or “who's next” or some variation on the themes. True to form, the first one to question Charlize wanted to know about “the conversation.”

“I told her we were now even and if she wants to try for a ninth time just to break the tie, that's fine with me. But I'm satisfied to leave it 4 apiece.” When inquired about Romijn's response to that, Charlize grinned and said, “You'll have to ask her. It's not my place to put words in her mouth.”

The next was, predictably, “Who's next?” To which Charlize could only say, “I'm hoping Strahovski for the lightweight title. But, like you, I'll have to wait and see if she gets it. If not the 'Hotski', I've got my eye on some other Aussies and a few of the girls in Europe. My people are talking to their people, you know how that goes. Right now it's winter 'down under' so if it happens, I'll want to have the fight here is about all I can say about it.”

Those answers satisfied most of the reporters, and Charlize was about to leave when one piped up, “What about Lawrence's fight with McCarthy? We heard it was J-Law sticking up for you because you're 'ducking' Jenny McCarthy. Is it true?”

Charlize visibly bristled. “I don't 'duck' anybody. As for Jen, you'll have to ask her why she's getting into brawls in nightclubs...maybe she's channeling her inner Lindsay Lohan.” she joked. “I haven't had much chance to talk to her about it, but I will. And NOT because some gossip monger says she had to 'stick up' for me, I can do that for myself. I'm concerned any time young actress puts herself into those kinds of situations. Stories about drug use, promiscuous sex, or night club fights can quickly brand you as trouble and hurt your career. I wouldn't want that to happen to a sweet kid like Jen.”

“What about McCarthy?” someone asked. And before they could explain the question, Charlize snapped, “She's already trouble. Too late for me to save her career. So long...” and she waved and hurriedly left the dais.

* * *
Rebecca Romijn, near tears in the ring, came out later looking far better than expected, probably because the parts of her body most badly treated by Charlize were hidden under her clothing. She walked tenderly to the podium, adjusted the microphone and said, “Well, there you have it! This was a bitter loss. I really wanted it tonight. Theron and I have gone back and forth for fifteen years now and in all that time, she's never once been ahead in our series. Tonight I hoped I could put the final nail in her coffin once and for all, but she pulled it out and now we're tied...again. Congratulations to her, she fought a great fight and she deserved the victory. Any questions?”

“Wait! She's NEVER had a lead in the series...EVER...in all that time?”

“That's right. I won the first fight in 2000 and the best she's ever been able to do since is draw even. Now she wants to end it; if I publicly admit she's too good for me! She'd give anything not to lose to me again - which she will the next time we fight. And we WILL fight again! I'm every bit as egotistical as she is, there's no way I'd ever admit she's my 'equal' let alone my superior. I'm better than she is; always have been; always will be.”

“Who's next for you?” Boxing Online wanted to know.

“No idea. One of the joys, and headaches, of being an independent is there's no stable doing all the work to line up fights for you. Since Ultimate folded the 'Fighting Academy” in 2011, I've been lucky to get 3-4 fights a year. If it weren't for my acting and the Celebrity Wrestling Circuit, I'd starve. Fortunately, there's plenty of girls looking for a 'big name' to add to their resume, so I get more than my share of calls. Only problem, I'm too tough for most of them and their stable refuses to sign a contract. It's hard being independent, but at least I don't give some slimy stable owner/manager 20% of my purses. The downside is my purse isn't as big as those with 'muscle' backing them. Now, if there's no other questions, Jordana Brewster and I are gonna go out, have a couple of beers and talk over old times.”

END