Posted by Lookout! Boxing on July 17, 2015

ALEXANDRA DADDARIO VS DAKOTA JOHNSON 

CELEBRITYY BOXING AFTER DARK: JMD SPECIAL 

Alexandra: 29 YO, 5’8, 3-3-0, (3 KO) since 2014 (Foxfire Boxing)

Dakota, 25 YO, 5’ 7 ½, 0-1-0 since 2015 (Unmanaged) 

(Words: Archer / Results: Lookout!) 

Before: Lots of extra interest in this fight. Strong reports coming out the fed Front Office about a new “Big Girl JMD Title” with a tournament to select a winner. Newcomers Alexandra Daddaro and Dakota Johnson both eager to prove they belong in the running. Alexandra had the advantage of having 5 more fights than Dakota plus the active management of the Foxfire organization. This will be only the second fight for Ms. Johnson (she lost her debut to tough veteran Jennifer Lawrence back in May KO8). Dakota, daughter of Melanie Griffith, a much-feared brawler at lightweight and welter back in the 1980’s and early 1990’s, seen waving to her proud mom who is standing just off stage who smiles encouragingly at her eager offspring. 

“I said at the time that I was in over my head with Jennifer Lawrence,” Dakota cheerfully tells the press. “I will not be able to use that excuse this time. Sure Alex has been at this a year longer than I have, but 5 more fights is not that big a difference. I know I have punching power and I think that is what will win me this fight. Of course, this being a JMD fight it is our boobies that will be getting most of the punching. I don’t expect that part of it to be pleasant, but I think I am tuff enough to take whatever Alex dishes out and then stop with what I can give back to her hooters. I’m not trying to brag, I just happen to believe I can beat her and prove I can win at JMD.” 

Alexandra listening quietly, goes to the podium: “I will admit that I am pretty much a rookie too, but if she actually thinks her boobs can beat my boobs—well, she is in for a painful awakening. I do know she can punch, I saw her fight with Lawrence, but she’s underestimating my power to drain the power out of her jugs with steady punching. I do hope certain people are watching this fight. If there is going to be a new JMD title—I want in on the ground floor and that will be driving me to win this thing.” 

Dakota Johnson says nothing, but she gives Alexandra a smile and a head shake. Ms. Daddario has not made a believer out of the rookie and fans of JMD can’t wait to see them actually going at it. 

Fight night finds Alexandra Daddario in an impressively constructed sheer black bra that seems to make sure her breasts on up and challenging. A black thong, knee-high sheer black stockings and boxing slippers together with black gloves and a ponytail complete her look. Dakota in a satiny white bra that uplifts and supports her mouthwatering rack, white thong panties, sheer white knee stockings and slippers with white gloves. Dakota hair pulled back and tied with a white satin ribbon. Crowd understandably excited as the both opponents rub much against each other in a sort of test of strength. Referee has intervene and remind the fighters they are here for a boxing match—“You can keep the other stuff for the post fight.” Alex and Dakota seen to grin at each other at this, but settle down to get this fight going. Instructions are given, gloves touched and the fighters go to their corners to await the bell. The bell rings! 

R1: Alexandra moves quickly to seize the initiative by driving straight rights and lefts directly into Dakota’s bra cups. Dakota grunting at the Impacts, tries to jab back into Alexandra’s cups, but Alexandra is moving with nice evasive footworks. Dakota’s punches are not hitting Alex’s melons, though she is getting some nice licks into Alex’s ribs and causing the Foxfire fighter some distraction. Alex shifting around, striking at Dakota’s head to keep her ducking, then fires some uppercuts into those satiny white bra cups. Dakota not liking this one-sided jug mugging is trying to get at Alexandra’s rack, but the efforts causes her own breasts to get a fresh pasting from Alexandra’s jab. Dakota finally has to pull back to recover her breasts and essential concede the opening stanza to a very happy Alexandra Daddario. 

R2: Alexandra eager to get her leather on Dakota’s breasts once again, but she runs into a buzz saw as Dakota Johnson really has her jab going. Alex tries to wade in against the Johnson jab and her breasts come under Dakota’s heavy shelling for the first time. Alex recoiling, lashes out with some straight punches to knock Dakota’s head back and stop her jabbing. Dakota does duck off to one side and come back, first striking Alexandra’s ribs to distract her and then smashing a sweeping right into Alex’s left breast. Alex staggering away, trying to pull herself together but Dakota shows pursuit skills in banging Alexandra to the ropes. Alexandra gets her breasts thrashed until she clinches to force a break, but Dakota seen to pump a couple of short uppercuts into Alex’s throbbing mammaries to add to her misery. Alexandra looked pained after all this, but finally manages to hold Dakota off with her jab and evasive footwork, but the round in clearly Dakota’s, evening the bout up in rounds. 

R3: Alexandra D is not going to put with such treatment to her proud rack and comes out with determination this round. Dakota fighting hard to get back at the Daddario cups, but she’s getting careless. Alex now willing to bang Dakota’s head from side to side and back and forth, then adding some hooks to the belly. Sure enough, Dakota grows sluggish and confused and now Alex is at that white satiny bra once again with vengeful straight rights and lefts to mash the tender flesh in their cups and then sweeping lefts and rights to send the jugs sloshing from side to side. Dakota looking distressed, pulls away, but Alex hard after her. Dakota actually not bad backpedaling, but that’s no way to score points. She avoids further damage but Alexandra wins this round by firm margin. 

R4: Woman in black wig and dark glasses suddenly in Dakota Johnson’s corner during break. Dakota seems startled to see her, but listens to advice being given her my mystery woman and nods. Then back to business as the bell soon rings and both fighters are off their stools. Dakota not wasting any time landing on Alexandra striking hard to the belly to keep her off balance and then driving some rising hooks up into Alex’s breasts. Alexandra jabbing back, but Dakota’s suddenly got head movement and Alex’s jabs are not connecting solidly enough to deter Dakota’s advance. Then Dakota is really leaning into Alex with her body as she punches and Alexandra stumbles back to the ropes. Dakota using her body to pin the Foxfire fighter against the strands while ramming home hooks to body. Alex is straining to push Dakota back and they are swaying for mastery. Referee not liking this is moving to break it up when suddenly there is a nasty sounding CRACK! Oooooo! Both fighters banged their foreheads together and reel back with blood oozing from forehead cuts. Referee separates them makes sure both are okay before allowing fight to resume. (Apparently ruled a “slip” so no penalty to either fighter). Dakota and Alexandra recover but suddenly they are glaring at each other and charge at each other with some wild, vengeful punching. Somehow Dakota’s elbow cracks off Alexandra cheekbone and rattled Alex drives a punch into the heart of Dakota’s thong! Dakota stumbles back doubled over while Alexandra is leaning against the ropes holding one glove to her swollen cheekbone. Hateful glares from both fighters as referee sternly lectures them both on always following the rules. Time runs out and wounded warriors limps back to their stools, but Dakota has won her second round. 

R5: Dakota clearly more angry than hurt on her stool as she and the mystery woman confer. (Rumors flying across social media that a disguised Melanie Griffith is trying to guide her daughter’s career). Dakota doesn’t seem to pay paying much attention this time she’s mostly exchanging vengeful glares with Alexandra Daddario. Fighters come out with Dakota headed straight for Alexandra’s rack and pounding away early. Alexandra digs in and uses the jugmugging to smash at Dakota’s head. She soon has that forehead cut bleeding nicely down Dakota’s face and Ms. Johnson obliged to back up protectively. Now Alexandra switches over to the attack and strikes first to the belly(she takes care not to offend the rule book by staying above the waistline of Dakota’s thong). Dakota brought up on her toes, lurching forehead and presents her boobs to a series of right/left sweeping punches, then rising hooks that crush the tenderized tits. Dakota gasping for breath as she tries to back out of there, but Alexandra relentless in her body and boobie busting. Dakota ends up with her butt on the ropes burying her face in hands and riding out the leather storm. Bell finally makes Alexandra stop. She stands over Dakota glaring down at her. Dakota’s ponytail has come apart, hair strands over her eyes, but she glares back defiantly. Alexandra removes her mouthpiece to hiss: “Go tell your mama to throw in the towel you’re done!” Dakota gives an enraged growl and lunges for Alex, but sharp-eyed referee darts in between them and orders Alexandra to her own corner. 

R6: Dakota just furious at Alexandra’s uncalled-for remarks sits seething on her stool. Her mystery adviser tries to talk to her, but the youngster is just too angry to listen. Look of deep concern on mystery woman’s face as the bell rings and Dakota bounds off her stool. Alexandra letting Dakota come charging in with more wild, angry punching that does drive Alex back several steps by sheer ferocity. Then Alexandra steps aside and smashes a straight right into the side of Dakota’s head. Dakota reels away and Alex moves to block her way, then pound away to belly and breast before Dakota can get her guard up. Dakota’s legs turning to rubber as she is forced back, then Alexandra leans forward with a beefy right uppercut to the chin. Dakota’s knees fold and she starts to collapse, but Alex hook Dakota’s hooters to keep her standing just a few minutes of agony longer, Then Alex steps back and Dakota just sinks to her haunches, arms wrapped around her swollen rack. Alexandra watches from neutral corner as Dakota tries to rise, but she just can’t make her legs work. She is on all four dripping sweat and blood onto the canvas as the referee reaches “…TEN!” 

The winner: Alexandra Daddario (KO6) 

After: Alexandra can’t wait to get her gloves off and rush over to drag Dakota Johnson to her feet by the hair. Dakota spits out her mouthpiece right into Alexandra’s face! Alexandra slaps Dakota back. The two are furious, screaming rather incoherently at each other, but the words “Dirty Fighter! Cheating Bytch!” can be made out coming from both fighters. Then Alexandra gets her arms locked around Dakota’s head to force her face into her big jugs. Alex’s boobs have taken a lot of punishment, but apparently there is nothing like a defeated rivals mouth and nose being squeezed against them to take away the hurt. Dakota struggling against the smother, but Alex dances her out to center ring to finish her off. With Dakota limp in her arms now, Alex lowers the sleeping girl to the canvas and carefully stretches her out. 

ALEXANDRA DADDARIO IS NOT DONE! Alex now sits on Dakota stomach and hauls her upper body up by the hair. Dakota blearily awake tries to protest but is cut short when Alex pulls her face back into her mounds. Alexandra is sitting with her back to Dakota’s corner so she doesn’t she the mystery woman rushing at her with a stool upraised. She does hear the sound of pounding feet (the woman has removed her shoes) and the warning screams of the crowd. So she whirls around just in time to roll off Dakota, while sticking a foot out to trip the woman who falls to the canvas next to Dakota. Then impact knocks the brunette wig loose confirming this is indeed Melanie Griffith! 

Dakota now free of the smother revives quickly and actually helps Melanie to her feet. 

“Mom, why?” The embarrassed Dakota asks. 

“She just went too far humiliating you, baby, I had to do something,” Melanie says sheepishly. 

Crowd seems to like this display of mother-daughter concern and gives them hearty cheers as they leave the ring together. Almost forgotten, Alexandra Daddario decides she can’t top that and leaves the ring looking very annoyed. 

Post fight meeting with the press sees Dakota getting the more attention even though she was the one knocked out. Dakota says: 

“Mother just showed up in my corner with that disguise, She wants to helped and maybe I should have listened to her more, but Alex Daddario is a nasty piece of work. She punches dirty and she insulted my mom. I am just sorry she made me so mad I fought stupid. I will remember that next time I fight so maybe I did learn a lot from this fight BESIDES what an awful person that Foxfire cheater is!” 

Alexandra flustered at finding herself the bad girl in this, she points to her swollen cheekbone: “How dare she call me a cheater! She nearly broke my cheekbone with that elbow! I guess that’s what she learned from that crazy mother of hers. Attacking me like that! I hope the Front Office and C-BAD will come down hard on Melanie Griffith. She should be banned from Dakota’s future fights-assuming she gets any! I was too polite to say so before I wasn;t all that impressed with Dakota’s boobs. I don’t think she even belongs in JMD! Talk about a ‘padded record’! Well, anyway it was still a good JMD win for me, I think I showed real skill in pounding her rack (such as it was) into submission., but hardly anyone here is asking me about it! What kind of fight reporters are you people?” 

(Next reporter asks: “Do you think Melanie Griffith could compete as cougar?” Alexandra throws a pitcher of water over the wretch and storms from the room, leaving Beth Harnois to get a towel and stammer apologies). 

(Asked about her JMD-qualifications, Ms. Johnson retorts: “My breasts may not be the biggest around, but they are real and they definitely worth fighting over! I never heard such a bad winner in my life as Daddario! I think she knows it was ‘tainted win’. It’s all just sour grapes because she got exposed for the ‘cheap shot artist’ she really is!” 

So lots of hard feelings from this latest JMD brawl. Some fans may be dusting off their old “Best of Melanie Griffith” VHS tapes to have a look at the celeb fight career of this long retired blonde. (Word from the Front Office that thanks to a long-forgotten “Outraged Mother Rule” Melanie Griffith will escape serious punishment, but she will fall under Special Security Protocols should be seen a ringside again .) As for Alexandra, she did win quite convincingly and this should boost her JMD cred. Dakota now winless in 2, but she showed a lot of fire tonight and maybe if she can control her temper, she’ll get better results in her future fights.