BEFORE: 

"I get why this kid wants to fight me," says Tif with a gorgeous smile. "She's stepped into the Thiessen space, the sexy, busty, curvy brunette. Oh, she's not as PRETTY as me, but she fills the rest of it out pretty well. So, now's the time when she steps up to the original. But. Here's the problem. She's fighting a woman who beat Hall of Famers like Spears, Fishel and Pressly. No disrespect to Kat, but she's no Hall of Famer. And, she's about to find out that, while she might be able to grab roles I'd have gotten ten years ago, she's also no Tiffani Thiessen." 

"See, this is all a lot simpler than Tiffani thinks," says Kat with a shake of the head. "This isn't about me trying to BE her, this is about me stepping in to BEAT her, and that's exactly what I'm going to do." 

ROUND ONE: 

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and that is 'You're A God' by Vertical Horizon, and here comes the star of that video, iconic 90s beauty Tiffani Thiessen!" 

McCarthy: "She is NOT the iconic 90s beauty, I am!" 

Cassie: "You misunderstand, Mac. Jenny's saying that Tiffani was an iconic beauty in THE 90s, not an iconic beauty in HER 90s..." 

McCarthy: "What? That doesn't make any...." 

O'Dell(sighing): "Thiessen into the ring and helped off with the robe to reveal an orange bikini top with white bottoms and a body that looks anything BUT 41 years old..." 

McCarthy: "HEY! Wait...SHUT UP, SCABBO!" 

Cassie: "It's like waiting for Heinz ketchup to come out of the bottle..." 

O'Dell: "Aaaannnddd that's 'I Don't Feel Like Dancing' by Scissor Sisters, and that can only mean that Kat 'The Rack' Dennings is on her way to the ring!" 

McCarthy: "I STILL say MY nickname should be 'The Rack', because mine is WAAAYYY better than HERS..." 

Cassie: "And, again, Wiz has TRADEMARKED the nickname 'The Rack', like he has all the other nicknames of Front Street fighters...so, you CAN'T call yourself 'The Rack', or, for that matter, 'The Portuguese Princess', 'The Five-Tool Player', 'The Marin County Marauder', 'The Next Big Thing', or any of the other names Front Street fighters use..." 

McCarthy: "And after that WEASEL stole my SONG and my NICKNAME and gave it to that PHONY Allison Mack..." 

Cassie: "Well, you can still call yourself 'Mac The Knife', because Wiz copyrighted 'MacK The Knife'..." 

Tess: "And, in that vein, considering how much you show your butt, 'The Crack' isn't copyrighted. You could use that..." 

McCarthy: "YOU...I'LL...HE...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 

O'Dell: "Ok, before we reenact a scene from 'Scanners', let's concentrate on the ring, where Dennings is helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve to reveal that curve-hugging black number that gets the crowd buzzing. The fighters are ready. Let's get some picks. Tess likes Kat. Mac?" 

McCarthy(muttering): "...I'll SUE him, that's what I'll do. He can't get away with this! It's un-American, that's what it is! I'll take this all the way to the Superior Court..." 

O'Dell: "Mac. Can we get a pick?" 

McCarthy(muttering): "...I'll have the Chief Justice League of America involved in this. That's what I'll do. He's a MENACE and he has to be stopped and I'm JUST the girl to do it..." 

O'Dell(sighing): "Cassie?" 

Cassie: "I agree with Tess!" 

O'Dell: "And, we're underway. And, if you were expecting either of these ladies to come out dancing in this one, you've not been paying attention. Dennings and Thiessen to the center of the ring and having at it. Both want to work in close quarters, and that's exactly what we're going to do..." 

Cassie: "But don't be fooled. There's plenty of movement going on, but it's subtle. Head and shoulders, hands, little slide steps as they work to get favorable angles.." 

O'Dell: "Thiessen changing head level a lot, ducking and dipping, keeping the hands in earmuff. She's working body when she lowers the head. Kat more upright, going flanks with Tif crouching and keeping the gloves high..." 

McCarthy: "Good strategy by Thiessen. Not giving Dennings much to hit." 

O'Dell: "That, she isn't. Kat continuing to do damage at the flanks, but the older woman having better success on the ribs and midsection. Not much work upstairs at the moment, which is also no surprise if, again, you've been paying attention. Lots of digging and tenderizing to the bell. Good first for Tif." 

Tess: "Always good to build a cushion if you're giving away years. 10-9, Thiessen." 

ROUND TWO: 

O'Dell: "Things getting more physical inside as we begin the second. Dennings responding to Thiessen's lowered level by using the forearm to shove her back and off balance, opening her up for solid shots to the interior of the body and the odd uppie to the chin..." 

McCarthy: "Ref needs to warn her! This is typical Neve Campbell dirty tricks!" 

Tess: "I'm pretty sure Neve isn't the only fighter ever to use a forearm to shove an opponent off..." 

McCarthy: "Well, CLEAN fighters never do that!" 

Cassie: "Tess. Twenty that the truck can find video of Mac doing it before we're off the air..." 

Tess: "Sucker bet." 

O'Dell: "Let's concentrate on the RING, please. And, if we do that, we'll see that Kat's work unbalancing Tiffani is paying off, as she's getting far more work done this round than she did in the first, both getting more punches home and landing harder shot..." 

McCarthy: "And, STILL the bought and paid for referee allows this to continue. It's a tragedy of justice!" 

O'Dell: "Heavy body work continuing down the stretch. Thiessen not scoring as well this round, but still getting work done. Kat answering back with THUMPING body shots as the final seconds tick off. There's the bell. Dennings." 

Tess: "And we're at 19 all after two." 

ROUND THREE: 

O'Dell: "We're back at it and another subtle adjustment, this one by Tif, who's getting under Kat with the shoulder now and leveraging her backward, opening up the belly for heavy fire. And Thiessen wasting no time getting that fire home. Kat responding to the flanks, as, again, not much more available to hit..." 

Tess: "And, no complaint from Mac about THIS tactic..." 

McCarthy: "What's good for the goose is good for the dander!" 

Tess: "The what?" 

McCarthy: "Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you?" 

O'Dell(sighing): "Thiessen able to back Dennings up a little with this leverage and punch technique. Has Kat on her back foot. The younger brunette responding by tying up, but Tif punching free, keeping Kat moving backward..." 

Cassie: "Thiessen getting into a rhythm now. She really does have a lot of interior boxing tricks. Would make a good trainer somewhere..." 

O'Dell: "And, right now, she's teaching some lessons to Kat Dennings. Kat fighting back hard, but she's off balance, and distances and angles she doesn't like. Tif not dominating, but she's controlling to the bell. Thiessen's round..." 

Tess: "And she's back on top 29-28." 

ROUND FOUR: 

O'Dell: "Thiessen back to work in the fourth. She's got something she likes and she's sticking with it, using her dip and shoulder technique to perfection. Dennings being forced to her back foot, unbalanced, opened up." 

McCarthy: "You were absolutely right last round, Jenny. Thiessen taking Dennings to school." 

O'Dell: "And Thiessen a harsh head mistress, if you will, working Dennings body with both hands, pinking the younger woman up. Kat banging back as well as she can, but, she's just not as effective as Tif right now..." 

Cassie: "This is the Tiffani we saw against Britney..." 

O'Dell: "Sure is. She's finally got Dennings to the ropes, and she's absolutely on top of her right now, leaning in, making Kat take weight, getting underneath her and pounding body. Dennings trying to wrestle free, but no dice. Thiessen in commanding position, banging away to the bell in complete control." 

Tess: "39-37, Tif. And check out the staredown between Thiessen and Neve Campbell! Tif never got that rematch with Neve, and she's taking out those frustrations on Kat by proxy." 

ROUND FIVE: 

O'Dell: "Into the fifth and they're right back at it in close. Tiffani ducking and Kat tying up the head now, trapping it under her left arm and pounding Tif's flank with the right. Referee breaks quickly. Thiessen right back in tight, and tied up around the head again..." 

McCarthy: "Referee needs to warn her! This is more Neve Campbell dirty tricks! Warn her, Ref!" 

O'Dell: "Thiessen unable to lever Kat now. As soon as she ducks the head, Dennings hooks it and pounds the opposite flank with her right hand..." 

McCarthy: "HOLDING AND HITTING! WARN HER, REF!" 

O'Dell: "Thiessen tied up again. She's driving the shoulder into Dennings, trying to drive her back. Kat holding ground, thumping with the free hand. Ref steps in to shove them apart again..." 

Tess: "If you like physical fights, not much not to like right now. Two, strong, sturdy bantams fighting for physical dominance..." 

McCarthy: "Typical Campbell crap, turning this into a wrestling match!" 

O'Dell: "Final seconds ticking away. Dennings tying Thiessen up, clamping the head, holding it there to the bell. Kat's round." 

Cassie: "48-47, Tif at the half...and we've got another staredown going on..." 

McCarthy: "DON'T YOU EYE ME, CAMPBELL! I'LL COME UP THERE! I'LL COME UP THERE..." 

Tess: "Sit DOWN, Mac! You've still got the headset on..." 

ROUND SIX: 

O'Dell: "We're underway in the sixth with Mac back in her seat and Neve Campbell's eyes back on the ring, where Thiessen is back to work inside against Dennings. Kat again tying up around the head, locking Tif down before she can leverage the younger woman off balance. Thiessen trying to punch or shove free, but Kat's got her clamped and the referee moves in to break the fighters apart..." 

McCarthy: "He needs to take a point! This is illegal!" 

O'Dell: "Thiessen right back in close, tied up again, shoves Dennings off, steps forward, again tied up and shoving off with both hands in the chest. Thiessen getting frustrated. Not able to work the leverage game like she has in the past several rounds. Tif ducking in again, tied up, shoves free AND GETS DROPPED! THIESSEN DROPPED BY A RIGHT UPPERCUT!" 

Cassie: "Dennings caught her during the shove and split the gloves!" 

O'Dell: "And it sent Tiffani right to her back. Thiessen staring up at the referee. Count at three. Four. Five. Six..." 

Tess: "It's over..." 

O'Dell: "Eight. Nine. TEN! Thiessen still on her back as the count passes her by! And your winner by KO6 is Kat 'The Rack' Dennings!" 

AFTER: 

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!" 

Tess: I have our winner, Kat Dennings, and, Kat, it got really physical in there..." 

Kat: "Just like I expected. She's a very physical fighter. She's sturdy and strong and hits hard. I knew it would be tough inside, and it was." 

Tess: "But, you were tougher..." 

Kat: "I don't know about that, but I found some things that worked and I was able to get her open enough to land something. She didn't make it easy, but I got it done."