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31 July 2015 Keira Knightley vs Miley Cyrus

Page history last edited by Archer844 8 years, 7 months ago

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on July 31, 2015, 10:21 am,

Miley Cyrus (5'5”, 22 yo) v Keira Knightley (5'7”, 30 yo)
results by Lookout/work by simgrrl

Before: Yet another bout on the London card of this multi-national PPV sees Miley jet across the pond to tackle KeiraK on her home ground. Knightley described by one of the sports tabs as “a lightly raced filly capable of the occasional upset” - which seems spot on. Now concentrating on her film career, Keira sees a ring infrequently. In the past decade (2006-2015) she averages less than two fights per year and her most recent fight was March 2014 - a loss! Her last win was in 2013, so perhaps “lightly raced” doesn't begin to accurately portray her level of inactivity!

Yet somebody, somewhere, thought it was a good idea for her to jump back into the pool facing Miley Cyrus, an up-and-comer whose BBU record was 9-3 before her management decided to concentrate on her North American market. Since then, she's compiled a 6-3 record in the FCBA, including in her win column, victories over 'big names' Panettiere, Song and Lowndes! Miley has earned a reputation as a “tough little scrapper, someone who isn't afraid to mix it up even with bigger, more well-endowed, women like Lowndes.”

Miley's getting a twofer in the 8 years older Knightley who's more than two inches taller than Cyrus - but assuredly less well-endowed! Cyrus, with nearly as many fights on her combined FCBA/BBU resume as the older Knightley (32/40), and has almost twice as many knockouts (17/10)! Younger, harder-hitting, well-seasoned, in mid-season form... a lot of factors weighing in Cyrus' favor. Punters seem to agree, making the Yank a 6-1 favourite in this contest. Looks like Miley “The Wrecking Ball” Cyrus may just demolish Keira “Beanpole” Knightley inside of the five rounds odds-makers are predicting.

A TV and recording superstar, Cyrus no stranger to press conferences, looking right at home in front of cameras and microphones as she pauses at the Heathrow celebrity arrivals terminal to give an impromptu presser for the gathered media while posing for Paparazzi. “Keira's a good actress...no, not a good actress, she's a REALLY good actress. But I doubt even a talented actress with the years and years of experience she has could pull off the role of a boxer coming off 15 months of inactivity... especially since her last fight was that clunker with Van Camp!

“But, hey, I'm one of Keira's biggest fans. I don't want to see that beautiful face ruined, or her tight, firm, body damaged. I, like, REALLY hope she doesn't say or do something between now and the fight to change my mind, because I really, really, do love her work and want her to stay here in England and make more wonderfully entertaining films,” she said in a tone that led reporters to speculate that, perhaps, she wasn't being entirely serious.

In light of media speculation whether Cyrus was 'serious' or not, Knightley - clearly bristling at what she and her handlers felt was a thinly veiled warning - came out with all guns firing; a broadside worthy of the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' star. “Miley Cyrus is a spoiled little tramp with sexual hangups – judging from her choices of dating partners. Not that I care, but she's old enough to know whether she is or is not! Make up your mind girl, either get in the pool or get out!”

Asked by a reporter (likely hoping to change the subject) if it was too soon after the birth of her daughter to get back in the ring, Keira shook her head firmly. “My body's back to normal. I worked out all through my pregnancy to keep fit and avoid blowing up like some puffer fish,” she grinned. “So, no, it's not too soon! Besides, I don't expect that little tart can hang around long enough to do anywhere near the damage she claims to be worried about inflicting on me. We've seen lots of holes in her game we can exploit so I wouldn't worry if I were you. Just be in your seat early so you don't miss the fun.”

Cyrus showing her usual bravado, had her record company schedule an impromptu “live” concert on the mall only one hour after the scheduled fight time. There's some concern in her camp whether she can make the scheduled start time, though. “She'll probably have to take some time to wash Knightley's blood off first,” Miley's wardrobe mistress tweets.

Keira in a bold print bikini with ruffles up top that make her slight bosom appear larger; black shoes and gloves; brunette hair in a messy ponytail. She's accompanied by Empire's Jillian Barbarie and Kate Hudson, who doubled Cyrus in sparring sessions ahead of this contest. Knightley still carrying 'baby weight' (or maybe it's muscle) and doesn't even try to reach the 110 flyweight limit. Cyrus' people feign unconcern, shrug and agree to fight at 'catchweight.'

Cyrus with her 'Wrecking Ball' look - cropped white tee-shirt, white panties, white shoes and gloves; short blond hair chopped off just below her ears. Miley's seconded by Beever's US manager, Victoria Beckham...to the dismay of Knightley's camp who, according to reports, pulled out all stops trying to convince Mrs. 'Bend It Like' Beckham to distance herself from the American.

Victoria wearing stylishly tailored taupe slacks and soft silk white blouse for her appearance in Miley's corner tonight. One enterprising reporter ambushed Beckham as she was leaving Cyrus' dressing room for the ring and reminded her of something she said after the Knightley-Dobrev fight some years ago. “You said you'd, '...love to see her (Keira) in with Miley Cyrus - teach the teenager some manners.' Well, now she's in with Cyrus, and yet you're working in Cyrus' corner. Can you explain why you're backing Miley over a fellow Brit?"

Beckham looking briefly bilious, collects herself before saying, “That was then, this is now. The quote, which you took out of context, was years ago. Miley's a different person, a woman, now not the teenager she used to be. Since we took Miley under our wing, we've built her into a 'boxing brand'; someone we can make a champion. That's why she's here tonight, and it's why I'm beside her.”
* * * *
R1: Knightley unusually nervous during the referee instructions, quite unlike the self-assured young actress everyone is used to seeing...but it is her first “live action” in over a year and perhaps Cyrus' prefight threats have her worried. OH NEVER MIND! Off the bell, Keira tearing into Cyrus like she can't wait to make her eat her words! Keira Knightley, once (over)hyped as possibly the smoothest skilled assassin to come out of Great Britain since Hurley, is now considered more of a journeyman...at least until she can prove she's back and not just filling a slot on a card! And it looks like she's out to prove that in the very first round! Knightley, still sleek and slick from the outside, popping her jab in Miley's surprised mug from the opening seconds, snapping a short, chopping right over Cyrus' pawing left arm. Miley recoiling in confusion... this isn't supposed to happen to her, she's a star! Miley grimly punching back, but the swivel-hipping Knightley refuses to give her a clean look as she keeps jabbing and circling, stopping, reversing direction, and slapping the smirk out of Miley's mouth for much of the round. Late, however, reality starts to set in as Cyrus manages to get into a rhythm with her jab, leading to her scoring well with combinations just before the bell. Still in all, a good 'first comeback' round for Keira whose fans welcome her back with a standing ovation as she wins her first round in over a year on points (but close).

R2: This time it's Miley with the early advantage as she's prepared for Keira after being caught flatfooted in the first round. Miley slightly shorter, also suffering a deficit in reach, forcing her to fight harder to get inside where she can do the hard, difficult, job of punishing Keira's slender body. Miley no angel, not above digging the “accidental” elbow into Keira's new mother mammaries whenever the opportunity presents itself. Keira bleating in shock, surprise, and then pain the first few times it happens. After the third one it finally dawns these aren't really accidents and so she bites off her cries of pain – which only frustrates Miley that much more! Knightley still working the jab, but now Miley's timing it better and she's able to slip under it more often, countering underneath with a right to the ribs, but the kidney is even better! Round even through the first couple of minutes, although Knightley the more active; but as Keira's energy starts flag, Miley begins to come on and the last thirty seconds are a clinic in how a shorter fighter, from a deep crouch, can torment a taller fighter who fights upright. Time and again, Cyrus hammers one fist, or a combination, into Keira's lats, abs, or pounds that sweet spot just south of her belly button. By the bell, Keira is walking on eggshells as she heads to her stool for some badly needed relief and advice from her two stooges (Barbierie and Hudson) while the judges are giving Cyrus the round, close.

R3: Keira's corner furious about Cyrus' fouling. Barbierie taking the unusual step of leaving Keira to pursue the referee during the break. Meanwhile Hudson dives right in, pressing cold packs to Keira's battered and bruised bosom. After a minute to think, feel the pain, and hear from Jillian and Kate, Keira is livid as she stands awaiting the bell. Keire takes her anger and frustration out on Miley with an opening salvo, tearing straight into Cyrus; ringing her up with a right hand lead that rocks the rocker back on the heel's heels!
Knightley whiplashing the youngsters barely supported, firm, young, bosom under her sheer tee-shirt which, already damp with perspiration and water splashed on it in her corner, reveals more of Miley's mammaries than mummy and daddy would like!
Miley battling back, lowering her head and boring in on Knightley, going to her mid-section with pure, malice; drilling left hooks and right crosses into that baby-bearing body; grinning at every “oooh” and “unnngh” wrung from the battered Brit's body. Cyrus not the least shy about throwing elbows, even a head butt (accidental she later claims)...no low blow or slick trick is too much for the American witch!
Knightley, having studied Cyrus's tapes, defends many of her moves with good footwork, pivoting, never letting Miley get her her feet firmly set. Down the stretch, Cyrus bulling her way in but Keira walks her straight into a slinging right on the mouth; bends right to hook her; bends back left to drive a wild right into Miley's flushed face. Cyrus back on her heels, stooping in a peek-a-boo crouch as she desperately lunges forward to plunge punches into Knightley's torso. Miley's last second flurry not withstanding, Keira wins the round on points by a wide margin!
As Keira bounces back to her corner, Cyrus trudges glumly to hers. Keira greeted like a conqueror as Miley slumps exhausted onto her stool; getting swarmed by her worried looking seconds.

R4: Twenty-two y/o Cyrus at least proving her resiliance! The young singer-actress-boxer springs into action before the aging Keira even gets off her stool! Surprise recovery leaves Knightley hurrying to catch up and by the time she's up to speed, Cyrus has piled up a substantial point lead in the opening ninty seconds of the round! Full marks to Keira, she's not backing down, not going away and certainly not about to bend a knee to “a hick from the colonies” (as one tabloid dismissively described Cyrus). Keira stubbornly battling her way back into the fight; tucking left hooks up under Ms. Cyrus' unfettered and unsupported bosom. Judging from the look on Miley's face, she doesn't appreciate the attention her 'girl bits' are getting from the wiry Britian. Closing minute Keira has drawn even and the round is up for grabs when a late Miley Cyrus uppercut buckles Keira's knees. Knightley forced to clinch around Miley's shoulders and the final ten seconds are all Miley; beating Knightley's middle like the proverbial drum. Judges have no choice: Cyrus wins the round on points (but it's really close).

R5: Back-and-forth battle continues! Knightley refusing to go away, getting jiggy inside, knuckling up, using little pushes, bumps, spins and the occasional slap and cuff - it’s pretty impressive stuff as she showcases her quick hands and nimble feet for the first time in too long. Fans eating it up, chanting, “KEE-RAH! KEE-RAH!” Knightley limber and lithe, slapping rights to Cyrus' body and hooking the head. Veteran leaning into that straight left jab, pivoting smoothly as she rotates anticlockwise behind that ever persistent left jab. Keira almost brazen in her disrespect, batting and swatting Cyrus' face, bringing up limber-limbed lefts and rights from the hip. But Cyrus refusing to just stand around and take what Keira's serving. Yank sliding left and hammering brutal left hooks to Knightley's mid-section, twisting her hips in behind rights to the upper torso and she's lighting up Keira's kisser on occasion. Late in the round savage back-and-forth trading mid-ring goes Keira's way, but...make no mistake...both of these proud beauties are looking to leave her mark on her opponent. But (at least this round) judges feel Keira's done a better job of it and when the bell rings and she walks resolutely to her stool, they're marking their scorecards showing Knightley the winner of this round by a narrow margin.

R6: Knightley's punched herself out! Keira slide-stepping away, concern in her eyes as she realizes she's over extended herself. That mommy body beginning to wilt under the stress of a hard fight. Miley gimlet-eyed stalking her prey, leaning into searing jabs that slowly herd Knightley into corners. There, corraling her, Miley lining her up for sharp-shooting body shots. Careful but tough aggression from Cyrus; digging right hands in, then bodying up with a shoulder on Keira's chest, pushing her back to the ropes before quick-stepping back out for range, then re-engaging for a repeat performance. Cyrus not above the little elbow dig either, bringing her offside elbow up and driving it home in Keira's 'cupcakes' while the referee's vision is obstructed and her elbow shots are shielded from his view.
The older woman's no longer moving fluidly, she's just standing still with her gloves at her cheeks. The younger Miley, on the other hand, looks like she's gotten an infusion of energy and she's getting to Keira Knightley's firm body with left hooks, and right crosses! Late, Knightley rocked time and again by the Cyrus right hand. It seems Keira just doesn't have the antidote! Big round for Miley (wide)!

R7: Knightley still cranky off her stool, no longer the lithe young athlete gliding around the ring, the brunette suddenly has gotten old before our eyes! With Knightley running on fumes, Cyrus turns up the heat, her fitness and athleticism her best weapons to force the pace. Miley, uptempoing, moving quickly left, then right, then left again. Over and over she's touching up Keira with punches Knightley just doesn't see coming, or can't block in any case. Late first minute, Knightley hammered with that hard right and her left knee buckles momentarily. Cyrus over the top with a windmill right, slaps the mouthpiece out of Keira's mouth. Knightley recoiling in disarray to the ropes, earmuffing. Fast-fading Keira staggered by the impact; stooping forward against the ropes, hands at her temples. Referee stepping in to stop the action to replace Knightley's mouthpiece...arrives a heartbeat too late! Miley Cyrus unloads another heavy right hand that swivels Keira around and sends her crashing facefirst to the canvas. Referee picks up the count at “three” but when he gets to “seven” and Knightley hasn't moved, he waves off the rest and calls in the medicos! Miley Cyrus wins with a knockdown in minute two for a TKO7!
* * * *
After: Cyrus hovers over Knightley until Keira's corner come running in to shoo her away, fearing some kind of humiliation may be in store for their beloved actress. Cyrus simply walks back to her corner and has her gloves removed, then returns briefly to check on Keira before leaving the ring to a mixture of cheers and jeers. Fan reaction seems to roll off Miley's back like water off a duck's as she saunters with practiced unconcern back to her dressing room where a quick shower and a change of clothes leave her just a few minutes to take questions before her concert across the greensward.

Q: Miley, how do you feel?
M: “Great! Things have been made right by humiliating that waifish imp! If she'd have shown me a little respect I'd have gone a little easier on her. Instead, she made those nasty comments. You'd think an actress of her talents would at least have tried...Oh well, I'd love to hang around and give her a spanking, fellas, I know you'd all love it....but I've got music fans to entertain,” she said as she waved and then headed out to her concert venue.
* *
Keira Knightley keeps the press waiting several minutes, but when she arrives she's gracious and humble. “Miley Cyrus was the better fighter this night,” she says, wincing a bit. “I didn't think I needed more training, but I'm sure you all could see how badly my fitness was after several rounds of hard-fought fighting. I'm going to get back in the gym, work very hard to bring my fitness up to what it was several years ago and then I'll be back in the ring. I'm not going away.”

Q: Keira, who's next for you? Any plans for a flyweight title run?
K: It's too soon to be picking opponents yet. There are plenty of girls to choose from, some older, some younger; some well known and several practically 'unknowns' but all of them deserving of my attention.