Cat Bell (46yo, 5'9”, 34D) v Michelle Marsh (32yo, 5'7”, 32G) by Lookout/simgrrl

Rules/Venue: JMDD @ Lord's Cricket Ground, St. John's Wood, London, England

Cat Bell was born in London, but is now a US citizen and she wants to make tonight's homecoming a memorable one - for Marsh! But she is a decided underdog by just about every measure, including the all-important bust size! Cat's 3” taller and she's heavier – by one report, 11 pounds. Those are more than offset by Michelle's 14 year edge in youth!

Marsh making a “comeback” of her own tonight after taking a “break” from fighting since her devastating mauling by Sophie Howard a year and a half ago. Shortly after, Michelle announced her “retirement” but after time to reconsider - and weighing offers from several promoters - she changed her mind. For the past five months, Michelle has “undergone a complete makeover” under the tutelage of two former Olympic athletes, Denise Lewis and Sharron Davies. She's lost weight, gained muscle and she says her fitness, “...is better than ever. I feel like a new woman.”

However she feels, Michelle still sports the same gorgeous blonde look of a Page Three pin-up, which is why she is been offered tonight's contest; a JMD go with the famous brunette actress and multi-time FCBA champion, Cat Bell. Marsh a huge underdog in the betting, but she's always been a fan favourite and there's no denying the hometown crowd will be backing her from the opening bell.

Marsh's people have taken advantage of (literally) hundreds of Cat Bell fight videos and more than a month to prepare, her handlers crafting a plan that Lewis and Davies feel “...will see our girl through to victory.” Bell, on the other hand, has barely heard of Marsh. Despite repeated requests to the BBU, she's been unable to get even one video of Marsh to study.

Michelle taking full advantage of her second biggest asset; hometown fans turning out in droves to Heathrow to 'welcome' Bell, Lohan and their entourages (Blake Lively and sister Robyn with Lohan and Madonna and Kathy Griffin with Bell). While some forgave Madonna for divorcing husband Guy Ritchie, it appears none forgive her supporting Bell. Comedienne Griffin mostly overlooked, although a few who recognize her applaud her support of 'same sex marriage' before booing her as well. British boxing fans demonstrate whole-hearted support of Marsh by brandishing signs excoriating Bell; referring to her variously as “traitor”, “turncoat” or - worst of all - a “bleedin' Yank!”

Bell visibly stunned by the vitriol, but the showbiz veteran put on a brave face and a grin for the cameras as she gave a little Queen Liz-like turn of the hand wave to the fans...who responded with a chorus of boos, catcalls and whistles!

Bell was accompanied by Madonna and Kathy Griffin, two friends who stepped in when her usual “minders” were apparently too busy with other business to provide support. They traveled with her on the flight from New York and will be in her corner. It's said Bell had to pay for her own upgrade from coach but Madonna and Griffin generously paid their own way. Still, with three sharing a hotel suite, it couldn't be that luxurious.

With so little time before the fight, Bell barely manages to get in a light warm-up and a walk-thru of the locker rooms and ring before it's back to her hotel - with a brief detour to Harrods to pick out the 'special order' lingerie she'll wear in the ring – before dinner and an early night with Madonna and Griffin.

But sleep will be hard to come-by! Event organizers placed the Americans in the Belevdere, abutting Norfolk Square which, since their arrival, has been occupied by hooligans chanting anti-American slogans, banging rubbish bin lids and singing 'blue' songs all night at the top of their lungs. Britain's “bobbies” are keeping a close watch, making sure there's no crime perpetrated, but as long as the demonstrators remain within the Square off public streets, there's little they can do.

One bobbie according to the Thames Tattler, said, “The bloody Yanks come 'ere to put a jiggle show for big money and expect me to get my noggin busted by some wanker who just wants to make noise? Fook 'em, I say! Let the blokes keep these bimbos up all night, who cares! Maybe it'll give the home side a bit of an edge tomorrow, eh,” he winked.

Marsh doing her bit to ballyhoo the contest, making the rounds of the media in the days ahead of the fight. “Putting myself out there,” she says with a wink as she leans toward the microphone in a low cut gown as she's interviewed by a stream of (predominately male) interviewers from BBC, Sky TV and ITV, all of whom give the fights major coverage. Give Michelle full marks; she does what she can to give the fight all the gravitas of a Rugby final, a Champion's League title go or a World Cup or Wimbledon final. “It's going to be world championship taa-taa's,” she laughs. “The 'fun bags final' test match, if you will. Be in your seats early, because the fun won't last long. I have something 'big' in store for that old wanker Catherine.”

Then Michelle turned 'catty' herself. “This minger turned her back on her homeland and got to be famous just by shaking her Bristol bits on the telly. Poor tart couldn't make it on the big screen...guess it made her little girl goodies look too smaller. Well, I'll sort her out right smart come Saturday night, let me tell you Bob! Then I'll give 'er 'up close an' personal alright with these juicy goodies!” she said, grabbing and shaking her bosom at every red-faced sports hunk holding a microphone.

And while interviewers came and went, Michelle's rhetoric and tone rarely varied. She went out of her way to put down Bell at every opportunity - even went to far as to pay a bellboy at her hotel to deliver a bouquet of roses to Bell's room...accompanied by an autographed photo of Marsh topless! “This is what you'll be looking up at, luv,” the inscription said.

Bell, apparently intimidated by the protestors, kept to her hotel, only venturing out to hurry into a limo sent to retrieve her and her entourage on fight night. She

The odds on Bell have plummeted in the hours prefight. From a 3-5 favourite a week earlier, Bell's a 5-1 underdog going into tonight's first preliminary!
* * * * * *
We're joined here at ringside by two extremely well qualified women to give us their unique take on the fight. First is Elizabeth Hurley, the former manager of BBU UK where she handled Lucy Pinder. She's quite familiar with all the English fighters as well as most of the Europeans who fight in Great Britain and is still active behind the scenes in promoting British Boxing.

The second is Catherine Zeta-Jones, the General Manager of Mirage Boxing. Her fighters compete not only in the FCBA, but regularly face women from the BBU. Both are familiar with Cat Bell from their own days fighting her in the past. Liz, you've been in with Bell three times and you've seen Michelle Marsh in action several times since you left the FCBA in 2010 and returned to England. Catherine, you fought Bell eight times and I know you visit Wales frequently and take in the BBU bouts whenever you can. So, what can you tell us about the two women we're going to see in action tonight?

LH: I'm surprised to say this, but in Bell we pretty much know what we're getting. She's an aging, past-her-prime, fighter who used to have quite a bit of talent. But she's clearly on the downhill slope at this point. Ordinarily, I'd pick Marsh in a heartbeat, but she hasn't been in a ring competitively for a year and a half! Nobody has any idea whether Marsh has resurrected her career, or if she's just looking for one more big payday. I wouldn't be surprised if Bell's experience sees her through this, but if Miss Marsh can hang 'round and force Cat to fight hard for five, six, or God forbid, seven rounds, then all bets are off.

CZJ: I agree with Liz. I fought Cat in January and she was giving me 'what for' thru the first four rounds, but then she started to labour and I caught her in the sixth and put her away. One interesting sidelight; when I faced Bell in January I hadn't fought in nearly a year, and even though I'd been sparring regularly with my fighters, it took a while to get back into it. Marsh has been away nearly a year and a half and while she 'claims' she's been training hard and sparring with Lewis and Davies, it's hard to know how seriously she was taking it. She's almost fifteen years younger than Bell and the key to the fight for Marsh is to avoid either being stretched out or falling so far behind she can't catch up before she gets on a roll. Because if Marsh gets going after the fifth or sixth round, I doubt Bell can weather the storm.

LH: And don't forget Cath, Bell's lost seven of her last eight. Personally, I'd like tko see her retire before she suffers some traumatic brain injury...if she hasn't already. I can't think of another reason why she'd stay in that cesspool of the Academy where Ginny and Charlize both are doing everything they can to ruin what little reputation Bell has left.

CZJ (nodding in agreement): As Yul Brenner might've said, “Is a puzzlement.”

Excuse me, but I see they're about ready for the bout, so let's go back to the ring where our guest announcer and hostess for tonights event, Dame Helen Mirren, is ready with the introductions!

Dame Helen stepped out of the corner wearing a dark mid-thigh skirt and a tight white blouse that flaunted her impressive cleavage. Doubtless she chose the attire with tonights two JMD bouts in mind and she couldn't suppress a sly smirk as she opened with an ad lib. Looking at the array of 'big bust' beauties in the front rows, all flaunting themselves in daringly low-cut tops and high-cut micro-skirts or long dresses with giant slits up the side, “I hope you ladies all got a good look at my bits. Because these are what you'll be looking like...in 35 or 40 years!” The remark got loud laughter from the audience and several of the 'busty' women stood and applauded her good-natured self-deprecation.

“The next bout is the main event of the evening. Introducing first the challenger...from Hollywood, California...representing Academy Boxing...at 5'9” and 34D...Catherine 'Cat' Bell!!!!!!”

Bell hears the raucous booing, jeering and whistling even before she steps out into the spotlight. She hesitates, letting the vitriol wash over her, using it to help build her anger; feeling the rush of adreneline course through her body. Then she flings the curtain aside and the crowd lets out a gasp as they get their first look at her! Cat's special-order lacey white bra and boy-cut panties, white hi-top shoes and white gloves have exactly the effect she wanted. Bell's dark hair, longer than her JAG hairdo, showing some gray as she's giving off a 'Good Witch' vibe these days. And she'll need some 'magic' if the odds makers are right.

But after one look at her sexy outfit, half the crowd forgets all about her history and are only thinking about taking her to bed. The other half? Well, the women were still thinking about it when Cat began her long striding walk toward the ring.

As the spotlight followed her every step, the bright light made her sheer lace brassiere and boy-cut panties seem to disappear and her dark areola shown like headlights. As Cat passed all the 'big bust' models in the front row on her way to her corner, several stuck out a leg and tried to trip her, others hissed vile threats or warnings about the things they would do to her if they got their hands on her. Just a few names from the many busty models at ringside for this fight were: Amy Diamond & Peta Todd (Page Three's); Abigail Clancy Crouch, Hayley McQueen & Keeley Hazell (Kear's Kats); Katie Price, Keeley Hawes & Lucy Pargeter (Fight Club UK); plus Gemma Bissix & Jourdan Dunn (Marsh's friends at her former stable, Beever's Babes).

Cat held her head high and ignored them, stepping carefully over or around the feet trying to make her stumble. Except for one particular foot! Minnie Driver and Bell fought two rough, tooth-and-nail, fights in 2011. Each won one and both had expected to win the third. But there had been no third fight, leaving each to wonder how it could have gone. Driver seated front row center - between Keeley Hazell and Nicola McLean, another big bust model Cat had faced on an earlier trip to London (Oct 2011). McLean has surely passed on her on “first fist” impression of Cat to her fellow countrywomen.

Minnie casually leaned back in her chair, raised her arms and stretched, pushing out her bosom to distract Cat – as she stuck out a foot to trip her. But Cat didn't step over Driver's foot as she had others, instead she stomped down...hard; smashing Minnie's toes and spraining her ankle in the process. While Driver writhed on the ground holding her injured foot, Cat continued to the ring, climbed the stairs and slipped between the ropes and strutted to her corner to await Marsh just as a light, misting, rain starts to fall.

Most fans (those having heeded the National Weather Service) start to pull out rain coats, 'brellies, ponchos, or plastic rubbish bags. Others just ignore it and sit in the mist getting wet. The busty babes in the front rows have all come prepared. Most are wearing little above the waist except a blouse, a tee-short or something cut so low the rain will probably go right down their cleavage and out between their legs without ever touching cloth!

As the nipples ringside perk to attention, a few girls shift uneasily in their seats as the temperature continues to drop from 84 degrees at the start of the first preliminary to around 69 degrees... with the promise of another 5 or so degree drop.

Cat waits...

And still Cat waits....

After nearly ten minutes of standing around, Bell and Madonna confer and The Material Girl asks the referee what's going on. He shrugs and makes a gesture toward the curtain where Marsh is supposed to appear. She goes back to Bell and after their chat, Cat saunters over to Dame Helen Mirren and asks her why she hasn't introduced Marsh. When Dame Helen tells her she's waiting for the signal, Bell jabs her in the chest with her index finger and says, “Introduce the b###h right now or put on gloves and fight me yourself! I came here to pound some British boobs flat and I may as well start with yours.”

Mirren clears her throat, raises the microphone and says, “And her opponent, from Roydon, Oldham...star of tabloids everywhere...she's 5'7” and a totally believable 32G....she's 'The Rampaging Roydoner'...'The Girl With The Golden Guns'...'a woman who needs no introduction'...Michelle Marsh.”

And yet there's still more delay. Michelle still doesn't show her face from behind the curtain. Bell is livid and Madonna and Griffin haven't a clue what to do. Finally, they tell the referee they're going back to Cat's dressing room and when Marsh is in the ring to call them....not before!

Cat and her seconds are gathering their belongings when Michelle Marsh peeks out thru the curtain and asks cheerily, “I say, did someone call my name?”

She struts to the ring in her trademark front tie black/white bustier and black thong panties. Gloves and shoes both black; shimmering blond hair cut shorter than before, to the nape of her neck. As she reaches the big bust models, they rise and form two ranks on either side and as she walks between them, she exchanges hi-fives, lo-fives, a couple of chest bumps for good luck...and gets the occasional slap on the bum... for likewise apparently.

When she is finally in the ring, the referee hurriedly calls them together and rushes thru the prefight instructions – which both were given earlier and surely haven't forgotten. Then he calls two out-of-work homeless guys in to wipe down the ring which by now is covered with a thin film of mist from the rain...further delaying matters! (Gleeful sponsors have, by now time, run the full allotment of commercials and are anticipating getting two-for-the-price-of-one. Worst case scenario, they've gotten their money's worth in case the fight – and the ensuing JMD show – were to end early, such as in a first round KO!)

The crowd doesn't seem to mind the additional delay as the 'big bust' models are putting on some cheers, jumping up and down, shaking their money-makers, and generally getting all the punters in a joyous mood – while Bell and Marsh wait!

And....finally....the bell:
* * * *
R1: Michelle showing no fear - nor respect - for the famous brunette, drops her hands and thrusts out her chest, daring Cat to help herself to her jugs! Bell, suspecting a trick, tentatively gives her a couple of clean shots and when Michelle doesn't react, she rears back and....Marsh comes up firing with a pair of uppercuts; rocking Bell's rack as soon as Cat exposes her body! Both women swapping leather like camel hide traders in a Middle-Eastern bazaar! The girls exchanging shots with mindless obsession over the other's heaving hooters. BELL'S CRUMBLING! Brunette caught with two hooks to to the bellybutton, doubling over as two uppercuts set her heaving assets ajumpin'. Bell recoiling in retreat as Marsh comes boring after her in pursuit. Marsh pounds rack and BELL STAGGERS!
Bell clinching as they grapple and struggle against each other, struggling for position. Bell has the better of the 'rasslin', bashing away at Marsh's ribs with both fists. But Marsh seals the shutout late with some harsh treatment of Cat's juggs, rolling her shoulders, and clouting cup, with twisting lefts and rights. Ferocious jugg abuse backs Cat down, buying Michelle hard-earned breathing space. Big opening round for Marsh sees her in the lead as Bell wanders back to her corner wondering if anyone got the plate number of the bus that just steamrolled her!
* * *
LH: Bell really run thru the ringer that first round! Misch looked better than I've ever seen her and I think she surprised Bell with her furious opening onslaught. Can't say I'd offer up MY precious puppies the way she did, but it surprised Bell and in that respect, you've got to credit Marsh's handlers for a clever plan out of the box.

CZJ: I'm only a few feet from Bell's corner and I can tell you there's confusion! Madonna clueless of what to do now, while Griffin...trying to ice down Bell's breasts...gets her hands slapped as Cat, uncharacteristically snaps angrily, “Keep your paws off!” I must say, if I were to put a word on what I'm seeing, 'disorganized' wouldn't be a too strong word.
* * *
R2: Cat Bell reaching back ten years (or more) pulls out some of the tricks she once used to keep ‘stylists’ like Theron, Diaz, Ashley Scott, Stacy Keibler et. al., in check; smothering Marsh with clinches, grabbing, throwing in a few bearhugs for good measure. Cat in clinches banging away at Marsh’s lush torso with thudding hooks; digging uppercuts or straight right hands to the blonde's precious pecs! Bell pushing and shoving Michelle to the ropes, leaning on her while working on her body. Fans not liking the lack of ‘flash' but wily old vet Bell would rather win dull than lose exciting. It’s clearly her plan to bog the blond down in a war of attrition early, save herself for the late rounds, then take advantage of mistakes the younger blonde is sure to make after she falls behind. Late in the round, Marsh's frustration already evident; she's barking at the ref on breaks; angrily tossing her hair; after one long clinch Marsh raises her right glove with her left hand in the bend of her elbow. If she weren't wearing gloves, she would've shown Bell her middle finger! Ref literally begging Bell to knock off the holding and hitting; Cat smiling prettily, nods 'yes'; then cuddles right back up to Marsh bosom-to-bosom and wraps her left hand behind Michelle's back to hold her while she bangs away right handed 'til the exasperated ref breaks them apart again just as the bell ends what was a good round for Cat Bell.
* * *
CZJ: Things looking upbeat here in Bell's camp after that round as the old Cat Bell is back! A virtuoso performance by the old brunette that round as she settled down and took control of the fight. Bell frustrated Marsh, laid the leather to her body and pretty much stole her porridge. Bell grinning, nodding at something Kathy Griffin says; looks like those two're back on the same page after an early first round hiccup.

LH: It's quite the different scene here in the 'Marsh-land', Cath. Michelle's people berating her for 'letting the old broad rough her up.' Marsh a bit cranky but still talking a good fight. I'm rather looking forward to see what happens this next round myself as Marsh's handler Denise Lewis was trying to explain something to Michelle after a hurried conference with Sharron Davies.
* * *
R3: Marsh knows she got bullied last round and didn't like it! Marsh desperately trying to get inside Bell’s longer reach, hoping to outpunch her if she can only get in range. At distance, Cat's longer reach a difference maker; but when Michelle does manage to get to Cat's body, Bell won't have it and ties her up in clinches. And so, Michelle's boxing lesson continues! Mostly Cat's loose-limbed, shoulder-shrugging, lefts and rights to her breasts force Marsh to back off. A lunging right cross swivels Michelle's head and once again the blond is driven back and stampeded to the ropes. Marsh, unable to cut off the ring, being picked apart! Bell looking every inch the pro she once was in a one-sided, tactical, second round. The blonde continues to walk in on the brunette, but she can’t get off in the face of Bell's jab - and Cat's doing just enough moving to keep off the ropes and out of trouble. Bell showing her experience and Marsh just can't keep up with Cat's constantly making small adjustments that keep left-footing Marsh who's always a step out of rhythm. Final minute of the round, DOWN GOES CAT! Bell dropped by a perfect counter-left hook. Cat's astonished, flat on her back. Pure heart gets her up off the mat; swaying, reeling hurt at the ropes. ON COMES MARSH! Michelle strides in, hauling a walking right hand into Cat's jaw! Bell's knees buckle briefly. MARSH TAKES JUGG! Blond bodying Cat upright, gets into that brunette rack with soul-searing shellack! Bashing left-right, criss-cross pancake-punching, has a sobbing Bell reaching weakly trying to clinch as the blond hammers her to the break. Bell: Cat breathlessly hanging on - March bouncing up and down in Bell's embrace – rubbing JMD on JMD at close quarters!
* * *
LH: What a shocker! Suddenly, Marsh's corner looking sure of her victory after her big punch dropped Bell on her bottom! Davies jumping up and down, screaming at Lewis, “I told you! Did you see that left. I told you...” Davis settling Marsh down, telling her “There's still a long ways to go.” Warning her not to get cocky or careless. Preaching cautious aggression, whatever that means. Still, the late knockdown had to have stolen what was otherwise an all-Bell round.

CZJ: Right you are Liz. With thirty seconds to go I was thinking Bell looks like her old self. But now... well, she just looks 'old', period. That late flurry where Michelle attacked her rack really damped the fire that had been in Cat's eyes. Now, her eyes just look dead! Mo and Griffin doing what little they can, but Griffin's never even been in a corner and Madonna isn't all that experienced either. It's a real disadvantage for Bell who could use the wise counsel of an Academy manager right now...but there's no one here.
* * *
R4: Marsh cold-blooded, all business, off her stool - tears into Cat right from the bell with a thudding right; hook off the right; short right hand to the chin. BELL'S ROCKY AGAIN! Cat queasy, startled; stutter steps, extends her arms...and eats another right hand over her left shoulder! Cat staggered sideways to the ropes, ducking in the nick of time as a right whistles over her head, mussing her hair! Marsh torquing back to Cat's liver with a shivering left, drawing a groan of agony from Bell. MICHELLE GOES JUGG! Cat's knees buckling, Michelle knuckles her shoulders to prop Bell up and goes after her rack fists pumping! Bell lurching forward, wrapping Marsh in a bearhug. Michelle picks Cat up with a short right uppercut to shock the drooping brunette upright. Left hook, short right hand...BANG-BANG on the chin buckles Cat's knees....Bell swooning, arm weary; leg weary....she desperately tries to slug back, to re-establish her jab...gets clipped again when Marsh pulls her left hook into the chin! CAT'S HURT!
Marsh back to Bell's juggs with wide, sweeping, back and forth lefts and rights. Bell trying to tie her up, bearhugging, wrestling, pushing her around; just trying to get out of the round without further damage but Marsh just switches targets from Bell's bosom to her tummy! With Cat's arms wrapped around her, Michelle drills lefts and rights to the body until the actresses legs buckle and she slides down Michelle's body to her knees, then sits back on her heels; gloves on her thighs; blood streaming from her nose; her left eye starting to close; a stunned expression on her face. Bell struggles to her feet, wobbly, just beating the count; leaning on the ropes as the referee checks her gloves.
Pro-Marsh fans at ringside chanting, “STOP IT! STOP IT!” while looking for their book makers to collect the upset payoff. When the ref lets it continue, the punters express displeasure with derisive whistling.
Michelle goes all in with just seconds left in the round, buffeting the reeling Bell from one foot to the other. As Cat cowers butt in the strands, Michelle uprights her with a hard uppercut between the juggs. Blonde's fist slides up Cat's sweat-slick chest to Bell's jaw, rocking her head back. BELL'S READY TO GO! And there's the bell....Bell saved by the bell just as Marsh is winding up for another right!
* * *
CZJ: Just a brutal, brutal, beatdown by Michelle Marsh. I'm surprised Blake Lively didn't throw in the towel because even several of the busty models at ringside were calling on the referee to stop the fight. But it looks like Bell is either too dazed, or too stupid, to quit beause it appears she's going to come out for the fifth round. I don't know if she's got another trick up her sleeve or she's just too proud to quit, but it's clear she's not going down without at least trying one more time to turn this around. Madonna so excited she drops the smelling salts down the front of Bell's cleavage but Griffin quickly volunteers to reach in and feel around for it!

LH: I totally agree, Cath. This should have been stopped but it's clearly up to Bell to decide if she wants to go on, don't expect Madonna to pull the plug on her. Cat's got a lot of pride and I'm not surprised she won't quit. It would be the smart thing to do, but we both know fighters with more pride than good sense...and speaking of that, isn't that Charlize over there? Michelle's handlers are telling her to be careful but to “get her out of there as quickly as you can” so they don't give Bell any chance of landing one punch that might turn this around. Marsh is on the cusp of a huge win for her and they don't want her to do anything to jeopardize that.
* * *
R5: Marsh gets Cat right back in trouble from the bell! She wades in banging big right hooks to the face, each landing and each hurting. MEAN, NASTY, DELIBERATE ATTACK ON BELL'S JUGGS brings tears back to Cat's eyes – and a hard gleam of satisfaction to Michelle's! Busty models ringside on their feet, jumping up and down, bouncing and jiggling...almost as many spectators watching that show as see Marsh walloping Bell! Marsh with a basic, no-frills, fundamental, no-nonsense style; just walking straight in. It's all Michelle Marsh as she harms Bell's body with digging left and right uppercuts to the chest, then squares up to give the hurting brunette a good, old fashioned, country ass whuppin'. She palms up Bell's shoulders, measuring the buxom brunette, then snaps off a bruising left-right combination, always with the left jab between Cat's gloves to pancake those big ol' jugs. Griffin holding a towel, ready to throw it when someone runs up and snatches it out of her hand! It's Charlize Theron and she's shaking her head, 'no'. Madonna looks at Griffin, then at Theron...then she turns and looks away. Bell's beating continues!
Bell rocked back on her heels by another round of rack-rocking right hands from Michelle Marsh. Bell a sorry sight; her face badly bruised and puffy, her nose bloody, but Marsh still gives her a hefty bang to the belly before she lights her up with a solid right uppercut. BELL'S HURT! Marsh rears back and finally puts Bell down for good with a left hook to the jaw...Cat crashing to the canvas on her back, not stirring even as the referee's count reaches ten! Michelle Marsh with a KO5 victory!
* * *
After: It's “JMD madness 101”!
Liz Hurley and Catherine Zeta-Jones both scrambling up the steps into the ring from opposite corners, each eager to be the first to interview winner Michelle Marsh on the air. The two old rivals nearly come to blows as each shoves a mic in front of the panting winner. But their effort proves for naught when Keeley Hazell, Nicola McLean, and Katie Price join them as Hazell and McLean jealously double-team Marsh, quickly rendering the blond victor hors d'combat! As they start jugging Michelle, Marsh's stablemates Gemma Bissix and Jourdan Dunn join her trainers Sharron Davies and Denise Lewis trying to rescue Michelle. But it's not to be!

More big bust beauties swarm the ring and the four “rescuers” are themselves in need of rescue as they are overpowered by not only Hazell and McLean but five other juggilicious “boxers” (Price, Diamond, Pargeter, Sykes and Keeley Hawes). While the seven of them deal with Marsh and her four erstwhile rescuers in the manner prescribed by Chapter Seventeen of “Dummie's Guide To Big Bust Models”, Liz Hurley and Catherine Zeta-Jones are left with a clear field to enjoy Cat Bell. The two Britain's enjoy Cat at their leisure while the others are swapping partners nearby in a tangle of arms, legs, and bosoms.

Once they've established “squatters rights” inside the ring, four or five of the unlucky models left out, decide to attack Cat's seconds and Madonna and Griffin scatter like pigeons in Hyde Park. Two of them pursue Griffin down the aisle and into the car park where she's taken down and jugged out after a brief struggle. Madonna, feisty as ever, makes a brave, but brief and ultimately fruitless – last stand in Bell's corner with her back to the ring apron...one that only succeeded in her being swarmed under before she too got jugg-smothered, then carted off to join Griffin in the big bust model's mobile lounge...The Juggmobile.

Bell was barely conscious when she was divested of her expensive, custom made, lace undergarments, which were ripped apart and the pieces distributed to grateful-for-the-souveniour fans while she lay spread-eagled in the middle of the ring being treated to what can only be described as “a Page Three worthy juggernaut.” First Catherine Zeta-Jones laid the 'ladies' to Bell. Then Liz Hurley slapped Cat back to semi-comotose status and 'put the puppies' to her herself. They were followed by Keeley Hazell, Katie Price, Nicola McLean and Lucy Pargeter; each of them snuffing Cat out like a birthday candle at a six year old's party, then they slapped her back to consciousness for the next in line to repeat...and another....and another.

All the while, a grinning Charlize Theron stands ringside, shouting advice as she lines up more eager busty models wanting a turn with Cat, Michelle...or another unfortunate model, second, or trainer! Even a couple of eager young women from the audience who tried to get in on the action paid the ultimate price (or prize) being pulled down and jugged out by the professionals who resented these “amateurs” trying to horn in on THEIR action!

Needless to say, the PPV TV audience missed much of the “ceremony” since the consolidated broadcast required them to cut away to the next bout. NSLR!! (No Swan Lake Required)

Ringside fans, those paying top dollar, missed nothing! While some stood to cheer and take selfies - blocking the view of those in the 'cheap seats' - the in-ring closed circuit cameras thankfully captured Cat's every labored, obstructed, breath and weak struggles, and showed it on the big overhead screens as well as sending it out over the local airwaves for those enjoying the show at home locally! Between the local broadcast recordings, and the cellphone videos posted on the Internet, by the next morning, Cat Bell's face had more “views” than the Queen... and she was trending on Twitter @BreathlessCatBell!