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31 July 2015 Title Ch Lindsay Lohan vs Lucy Pinder

Page history last edited by Archer844 8 years, 7 months ago

Lindsay Lohan 09.jpg Lucy Pinder 03.jpg

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on July 31, 2015, 10:36 am

Lindsay Lohan* v Lucy Pinder (*JMD Title, London, England) by Lookout/simgrrl
Lohan: 5'5” 32D, 115#; Pinder: 5'5 32F/34DD, 127#)
(# per the official weigh-in yesterday AM...38 hrs before the bell!)

Lohan certainly not lacking for confidence, putting her newly won JMD title on the line less than a month after ripping it from Jessica Lowndes' battered bosom! As LiLo explained, “What's the use of having a belt (or bra, in this case) if you lock it away and can't enjoy it? JMD fans want to see what I've got and I'm not afraid to show it to them!”

Lohan lately spending almost as much time in England as Hollywood. Perhaps Pinder nailed it when she speculated why. “I don' think she's wanted for anything over 'ere,” she smirked. “Leastwise, none of the blokes I been with 'ave shown the slightest interest in her freckled liddle pears. Our boys like a bit 'o meat on 'em, now don't they!”

There's only three years age difference, with 31 yo Pinder the eldest, but Lucy's packing an extra 10 or more pounds on a thick, sturdy, frame...something which could make life difficult for Lohan when they're fighting in close quarters! Lohan's acting trainer for the fight is Blake Lively. She protested the weigh-in, claiming Pinder is “over 130” and she's concerned that even if she dropped weight to (just barely) make 130 for the fight, she'll balloon right back up to 130, perhaps 135, by fight time. The BBU officials heard her protest and quickly denied it. Whether it will be a factor - either for/against Pinder - remains to be seen.

Nurse Sunny McKay would normally be working Lohan's corner, but she (and Janet Jones) are in Brazil with Jen Lawrence who's fighting Adriana Lima. Blake Lively calling on her sister, Robyn, to join her in LiLo's corner. (You may recall McKay helped Lawrence in the bar brawl with Jenny McCarthy last month. Since then, they've been something of an item!)

Pinder has studied more than a dozen of Lohan's recent fights to prep for the fight - and talked to several of Lohan's recent opponents at length. Pinder says, “I'm confident I know all about her. Not only how to attack her vulnerable 'assets' but I've a fair idea of what to expect and her favorite tactics when infighting.”

Pinder is again wearing her “lucky” leopard print bikini with black gloves and boots; her long dark hair in a loose ponytail. Lohan in a small white thong bikini with triangle cups that leave the sides of her freckled breasts exposed, red gloves and bare feet. She wears the JMD jewel encrusted brassiere to the ring for the introductions, then removes it and the referee holds it overhead to show to the audience...who cheer the idea of seeing some JMD action postfight.
* * * *
During R1: Off the bell, Pinder bulls in with a hard shoulder to the sternum, destabilizing LiLO. Disorganized redhead off balance, gets caught by a right hand to the head and SPRAWLS ON THE CANVAS! First thirty seconds of the fight and Lohan's spun around and dropped to all fours by one punch....saucy Pinder plants her foot on Lind's curvy, upward facing buttocks and gives 'er a shove, sending the busty, be-freckled, beauty skidding face-first across the mat. Fans loving it; and the ref arrives too late to stop it. Lohan rolls over, tugging her displaced top back in place. Lucy smirks, playing to the crowd - who roar their approval.
Lucy's strategy becomes clear: score early; make Lohan miss; get her over-anxious; then run out the clock, using time Lohan would need later to get even. Lucy a strong girl, inviting clinches where she can lay her awesome jugg-weight on Lohan as they squirm and wriggle belly-to-belly. Lucy's upper body and thick thighs give her a decided edge as she's pushing and bulldozing Lohan around, all the while thumping away at her freckled, lean, torso...and what Pinder once called, “those delicious D-cuppers of 'ers.”
After that, LiLo fighting uber-cautiously, pek, pek, peking at Lucy's tummy and tits...chopping at her face...but basically keeping her torso out of the line of fire for the middle third of the round. Fans booing, but it's not their upperworks being hammered by the gimlet-eyed, brunette, “asset assassin”!
Late in the round, Lohan bravely up-tempos, attacking in hopes of offsetting Pinder's early flash knockdown. Instead, LiLo rocked by that same right hand again! Game little freckled, thighs ripple as the shockwave from the punch rolls down her body. Like a puppet with the strings snipped, Lindsay Lohan just drops in a jumple of disjointed arms and legs at Pinder's feet! Lucy, dumb-struck by the power of her punch, tardy to react and wastes valuable seconds getting to a neutral corner before the referee begins the count. Lucy shaking her taa-taa's at the crowd, basking in the love they're showing her hulking rack. While Pinder's playing to the lads in the cheap seats, Lindsay is dragging herself up to her knees using the ropes; shaking her head and doubtless wondering if she got hit by one of those red, double-decker, tour busses. She valiently makes it to her feet in time to beat the count, but she's barely able to defend her D-cups as Pinder lays into her with some serious British Boxing Boob Bashing! Lohan reeling to the bell which comes not a minute too soon for her. She's wobbly to her stool as Pinder skyrockets out to a big lead after one!

R2: Lucy, again showing she's vulnerabile to the ribs and belly, wincing whenever the redhead's left hook smacks into her body. Lucy constantly aiming to clinch, to crush Lohan's slender midsection in a powerful bearhug. Lucy forcing the ref to slap at her gloves, warning them several times to break before Pinder, grudgingly, releases Lohan. On their third break, the busty brunette drops a left over the ref's shoulder - drawing a rebuke. The punch raises a lump under LiLo's right eye and the Page Three model targets her injured eye the rest of the round, nailing it eye again, late, with a big right!
When she's not being hugged to Pinder's bosom; or fouled on the breaks by sneak or late punches; LiLo managing to hold her own. The lithe redhead is quicker than Pinder, more agile in open spaces, and able to elude the slower, more powerful, brunette. When she's fighting in the open, Lohan landing crisp jabs to Pinder's body. Lucy overly concerned with protecting her puppies, giving Lohan a lot of exposed belly and 'under jugg' to attack. And if there's one thing Lindsay loves to do, it's punch paunch, and punch puppies! LiLo lighting up Pinder's cheeks and nose with two, and three, punch combinations as Lucy recklessly charges in. But whenever Pinder can get her hands on Lohan, she reels her in like a fish and it's a different game in the clinches. Pinder able to handle Lohan, flashing some of her apartment wrestling moves to keep LiLo bogged down. When Pinder can make Lohan fight her fight, she's effective; but when Lohan can escape to use her hand and foot speed, it's a completely different fight. Lohan, by doing a far better job of moving and sticking, takes a close round to even the fight!

R3: The Lively sisters scrambling to ice down Lohan's cheek and eye between rounds, Blake plotting strategy and tactics hoping to counter Pinder's superior grappling technique.
From her upright stance, Pinder recklessly storms LiLo's defenses, rearing back to hurl heavy right hands up the middle or over the top. The telegraphed punches, however, little problem for Lohan who cautiously nibbles around the fringes, darting in to hook Lucy’s soft underbelly or lift uppies in under those heavyweight, Hampshire hooters...energy-draining jugg shots by Lohan aiming to sap the powerful British beauty's KO power for the long haul. But it's simply surviving to get to the “long haul” that's the problem for Lohan. Time and again, she's cornered by the charging Pinder and abused until she can slip away.
DOWN GOES PINDER! Out of nowhere - as Lucy leans back away from Lohan's right cross - she's struck on the left eyebrow by an accidental elbow! Lucy spilled on her butt, glaring up angrily at the busty little redhead as she scrambles to her feet! Referee waves off the “knockdown” calling it a slip so he won't dock Lohan a point for what was, in his opinion, an accident. Lindsay taking heart from the mishap, showing more life in the closing minute; popping Lucy in the face with her jab, circling with a little more bounce in her step. At the bell, fans boo as the freckled actress is clearly apologetic. Pinder, angrily shoving Lohan away as she tries to say she's sorry, then stalks to her corner to get Vaseline on the cut to slow the bleeding. Lohan pockets the points for a (close) back-and-forth third round.

R4: Lucy, comes out determined to get payback for the “elbow foul” and goes to work on Lindsay's body, to put some mileage on it to slow the fleet-footed, nimble, little bantam....and Lucy pays special attention to those D-cup breasts Lohan's so proud of! LiLo protecting her bosom, not liking the kind of punishment the brunette is dealing out. LiLo up on her toes, bouncing, gliding gracefully about the ring, using her quick feet and left jab keep Lucy at bay - more often than not. Lindsay landing three jabs for every one of Pinder's but Lucy's willing to take a few to the head - or even her juggs – if it's the price she has to pay for the chance to get inside LiLo's defenses where she can pound those hard body shots she loves. LOHAN'S HURT AGAIN! Lucy punishing Lohan's breasts, drilling her targets as she steadily drives Lohan back onto the ropes where a big right buckles her knees, then an overhand left to the back of Lohan's head spills LiLo on all fours. Lucy is about to give Lohan a double ax-handle to the neck when the referee jumps in and points her to the opposite corner. Lohan on her knees shaking her head takes an “eight” before rising and hurriedly retreating, buying time to clear her head. Closing seconds see Pinder punishing that redheaded rack again as she catches Lohan with a chopping left that pitches her sideways into the ropes, then she pins her belly-to-belly and lavishes more unwelcome attention on her JMD titled tits. At the bell, Lucy whirls away laughing, playing to the cheering crowd; blowing kisses - even winking at model agency execs sitting in the front row while poor Lindsay Lohan minces gingerly to her stool, freckled arms crossed protectively supporting her throbbing rack. The worried Lively lovlies look shell-shocked as they try to figure out what to say to Lindsay. Lucy strutting away with the round by a wide margin. All even after four.

R5: Pinder flush with excitement, finding she can hurt Lohan and knowing that Lindsay knows it too! LiLo - wary of getting too close or Pinder will clinch and pound her body some more - circling and feinting, jabbing at long range to the face of the buxom brunette. Pinder switching from her earlier upright mein to fight out of an exaggerated crouch now, it's better for protecting her belly while still giving her a direct shot at Lohan's own suspect abs. Lucy finally getting down to the business of LiLo's tummy, stooping, sticking the jab in, stepping out as Lohan tries to line up the right hand.
Lucy's problem is, if she isn't close enough, her face is an easy target for Lohan's jab, but she'll have trouble reaching Lindsay's body.
Lohan's problem is, if she fights close, she ends up in Lucy's clinches; her own punches are smothered but Pinder has easy access to her JMD championship juggs.
So Lohan content to circle and harass, leaning in every so often to jam hard rights to Lucy’s bra or hook her belly; but always circling to stick the left in Lucy's face, popping that bleeding left eyebrow, hoping to discourage pursuit. Close round goes Pinder's way in the final thirty seconds when Lohan's foot slips on the canvas and as she's off balance, Lucy leaps in to rip an overhand right down the front of Lohan's chest, nearly tearing off her top... but in doing so, achieving something nearly as enjoyable...ripping a squeal of pain from Lohan when the laces of Lucy's glove rakes her nipple. LiLo's yelp of pain aside, it's still Pinder's round, albeit close. Lucy back in the lead at the halfway mark.

R6: Between rounds Lohan's breasts getting attention in her corner; Robyn Lively giving her some “hands on” treatment that brings a (brief) grin to Lohan's lips. Blake gesticulating wildly, using her hands like some “fighter jock” explaining a dog fight (Top Gun reference) as she attempts to show Lohan how to duck, slip, and get away from Pinder's headlong rushes.
Both girls showing the after-effects of five rounds of tough inside body work; Pinder lumbering after Lohan who takes small, mincing steps to the side, neither willing to trust her body to obey commands in the opening minute. LiLo showing a bit more aggression; Pinder finally settling down, no longer burning energy chasing and not catching the redheaded wraith. At long range, Lohan the better boxer; picking on Lucy's nose, that left eye and those 'can't miss' juggs at will. But when Lohan gets careless, reckless, or pretty much anything ending in “-less” she's in for it! Pinder more than willing to lay her “big guns” alongside Lohan's and “trade broadsides”...Lucy most often gets the better of the exchange! Lohan loping away with a pained expression, turns back to TAP, TAP, Lucy's “ladies” then ducks and spins around showing the brunette her backside before Pinder can load up and fire. Not artistic by any means, but Lohan doing the little things she must in order to survive, and getting over on Pinder who is slowing down. Dragging all that heavy juggage around at this fast pace becoming a burden on the older, slower, brunette! Final minute, Lohan picking up Pinder coming off the ropes, lighting her up to the torso with a left, right, left combo that ends with Lucy clinching up high, cheek on cheek, mouthbreathing. Lohan content to dig to the belly with one hand, bring the other up and around to worry that left eye; then switches hands and does the same coming back the other way. At the bell, Lindsay whirls away grinning and lopes to her stool. Lucy, blood running fron the cut over her left eye, frowning as she flops on her stool where the seconds are in “triage mode.” LiLo's round (close).

R7: Lindsay hurts Lucy early with a blizzard of lefts to her ribs and flank, but it's the uppercuts to the bosom that have the model squirming with pain and dropping her hands, exposing her head. Lohan pours into the gap, landing solid blows to the brunette's face. Pinder's coming apart, sobbing, blood from the cut blinding her as LiLo smacks her head up and back with another, then doubles her over with another of her suddenly effect left hooks!
Late in the round, Lucy mouth-breathing, eyes glaring dimly as she stalks forward, hoping to knock LiLo's block off with looping, single-shot, right. Lohan giving ground with a smooth, circling, glide, always getting touches to Pinder's body; drawing woozy grunts from the breathless brunette.
Under a minute left; Lohan up-tempos, chopping at Lucy’s breasts and Pinder recoils jugg-shocked! Lohan slashes the left across, then the right battering Lucy's over-stuffed bra. LiLo dances left, stops, then does the same again...forehand-backhand! Speed bagging Yank attacking Lucy’s rack has the British lass bleating in breatless exhaustion. Senseless jug mugging by Lindsay Lohan who knows Lucy's out of gas. DOWN GOES PINDER! Lucy caught by another uppercut, drops on all fours with less than twenty seconds to go in the round! She makes a half-hearted attempt to rise, but when she's halfway her knees give way and she just sits down on her bum and lets herself be counted out at 2:58 of the seventh round. Her shell-shocked, once-loyal, fans jeer and whistle to show their disapproval at her lack of fighting spirit!
* * * *
After: Fans quickly recover from the disappointment, break into song (to Judy Collins 'Send In The Clowns') at the prospect that, no matter who is is, “somebody” is getting a jugg facial!

Ain't it a stitch? Ain't those a pair?
Yours there at last on the ground, mine in the air
So where are the juggs?

While the fans repeat the refrain (ad nauseum) the Lively sisters are hurriedly pulling off Lindsay's gloves. Once they've got the petite dynamo ready, Lohan's off her stool and across the ring like she's shot from a gun. Pinder still holding her semi-comatose, holding throbbing body, a glazed look of defeat on her flushed face, blinking in the bright lights. Lindsay arrives to grab the fistful of sweaty brunette ponytail that she uses to pull Pinder's butt forward off her stool, dropping her to her knees. Jerking Lucy's head up and back with her right hand, Lindsay glares triumphantly as she pulls down her bra with the left.

“These what you been looking for, honey?” she says. “Take a good look, 'cause for the next couple of minutes, all you're gonna see is pitch black!”

With that, she wraps both arms around Pinder's head and pulls her facefirst into the valley of her sweaty cleavage. Lohan clamps down, pressing in on both sides of her bosom with her elbows, molding her pliant flesh tightly about Lucy's blank-expressioned, staring-into-nothingness, face as she clamps down on her head with both hands filled with brunette hair.

Lucy inching back on her knees, butt projected backward, leaning into LiLo's cleavage as Lohan refuses to let go. Pinder's hands pushing weakly at Lindsay's thighs, fingers curled, nails digging in as her arms lose their strength and her nails sliiiiiiiide down Lohan's legs until her arms are dangling limp at her sides.

Lindsay holds her a few more seconds, then flings both arms forward, tossing Pinder's limp body backward, limp, to the mat. Lindsay saunters around her a couple of times, pausing once on either side to use her foot to jostle and jiggle Pinder's defeated juggs. Then with arms raised, Lohan struts back to her corner where Blake Lively tosses a towel over her head as Catherine Zeta-Jones and Liz Hurley arrive to do the postfight interview.

CZJ: When did you know you had her ready to go?

LL: As soon as I caught her with that uppercut and I saw her eyes roll back, when did you think? Jeez, she was a tough bird, I NEVER for a minute thought I had this in the bag!

LH: So, who's next for your JMD belt? Any names you want to throw out?

LL: No one in particular. There must be a half dozen or so anybody could guess at. Lowndes, Williams, even Fishel, if you want to take a longshot. I'm open to anyone. Heck, what about Zorro here? Lilo says, jabbing Zeta-Jones's juggs with a finger.

LH: Catherine'd get my vote. I'd love to see her and you go at it for the JMD belt. Hey, just between you and me Lindsay, after you beat Catherine, can I jugg her for you?

LL: Sure, why not. Of course, you'd have to come to my dressing room and prove to me you've got the goods. I haven't seen yours in a while.

With that, the director cut to a commercial for the 2015 Jaguar: “It's good to be bad!”